Love Darkness

My plan was to start this year without carrying my baggage from the past

25 days into this year, & I realized I was still allowing myself to peak inside those ugly suit cases

Getting caught up on what others think, say, or do

I’m done trying to prove myself to a bunch of people that truly don’t know me, or who doesn’t know anything at all except for the empty rumors. People that have never met, or talked to me…..judge & hate me

God was there, by my side, through every second. He knows

I allowed myself to be humiliated, cheated on, lied to, stolen from, laughed at, mocked, ridiculed, belittled, embarrassed, emotionally & mentally abused, financially destroyed, & worst of all…. The devastating heartache. I didn’t deserve any of the above I had to endure, simply because I fell in love

Is falling in love such a crime? I fell hard

Bam…that’s the truth

I was asked by this person to ‘take it easy’ on them because of things I posted on social media since the breakup. That alone should tell anyone I have been screaming the truths, but no one listens. No one cares. My nightmares charm is pretty thick, which keeps people from believing me…the actual victim

I am preaching to anyone that’ll listen. Do not give your heart to someone who shows red flags in the beginning with zero interest in changing/fixing them. If something feels off… It is!!!

I loved to the point that it consumed me, love darkness consumed me. It was bad love. Only I loved, was never loved back. It, therefore was love darkness for me

I knew better, but I still fell

I asked for the trauma, no?

A big room full of people told me to walk away, but I didn’t listen

I just wanted to love

I am hated by many because of lies, & because I loved someone so much

That person HATES me because I loved him, why

I’m done begging to love

There’s no love left to be honest, only trauma. It took me 1 year, 4 months, & 25 days to recover to a state of mind that keeps me free from returning to hell

Yes today is that 25th day, because of what I had recently found out. I almost threw up with disgust. Instantly I was uninterested. After sending a meme which I suppose I shouldn’t have now, I received more mental & emotional abuse from this person. I am done

Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I am a good person, at least I try to be daily. I know I make mistakes, but I can honestly say that in that relationship…I tried my absolute best. I was faithful, honest, caring, loving, extremely forgiving, patient, tolerant of his ways, etc. I gave up what I wanted just to make him happy. The thing is, is that I never made him happy. No one can make someone happy who’s miserable with their own self

No matter how strong you are, there was a relationship that almost took you to a mental hospital. Read that somewhere, & I can relate

What really makes me angry is that I wasted over 7 years of my life for NOTHING

So many twisted lies. So many lies. My fictional character that is portrayed about myself out there is an ugly person, but it’s not really me….it’s just lies. Lies to cover the actual ugly footage of the truths of my poisener

Now, I spend my days recovering

No I’m not a drug addict. I was a love addict & I got played

Anger does come & go. Tears come & go. Sleeping days come & go. Ignoring the world days come & go

The one thing that won’t stop….is my love. I will continue to give my heart to those that appreciate me & love me back

God cannot be left out. Every argument, every false accusation, every wrong doing against me, every threat, every pain I felt, every tear that I shed, every face to pillow muffled cry, every night on the bathroom floor, every fear, every laugh behind my back, every lie to me or against me or about me….. All of it!

ALL of it was heard & seen by God. I may have endured more than I felt like I could handle, but He has carried me through it! God did that for me

Every day I become stronger

This isn’t a story. This isn’t a cry out for help. This was a major lesson for me. This is shared because I know we all mess up, & follow paths we should have put ‘Unsafe Path’ signs on. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to

I love to love. It’s a wonderful feeling. Even though I was terrified of getting close to a man for the longest, I do crave to be in love again

One day my love will be returned to me like I deserve

I may have strayed, but I wasn’t so lost I couldn’t turn around to see the lights of happiness. God left a light on for me

I have a long way to go, but at least I’m heading the correct way on the path now

No matter what the world says about you negatively, ignore them. Chase happiness & healing. Chase God. Find a man that chases God as well, not women or satanic death cards

Don’t allow love darkness to consume you….


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