What He Didn’t Do

I waited

I wondered

I cried

I ached with heart break all over

I questioned myself

I started doubting myself

I had break downs on the bathroom floor often

I evaluated myself in front of the mirror

I started changing my wants, needs, & hobbies to make him happy

He did nothing, nothing at all

He did not make me feel safe

He did not make me feel loved

He did not allow me to trust him

He did not give me the ability to trust a single word from his mouth

He did not allow me to believe his actions

He did not care for me if I was ill

He did not show interest in anything about my life, only to put me down

He did not treat me as his lady, just an annoying human

He did not give me the room to be happy

He did not make me believe that he loved me

He did not ever look at me with love, or even with lust

Over time I slowly became someone I was not

There was so much pain that it engulfed my mind, body, & soul

I felt raging anger I’ve never felt before

I was suffocating by a deep sadness

I loved him, but he made me feel as if I was a criminal for doing so

It was the greatest state of confusion I’ve ever experienced

I had to eat his lies spread about me to his family, friends, & coworkers that just made me so deathly sick

People have turned their backs on me because of his lies

I have to heal from someone that never loved me

PTSD is now my thing

Nightmares have become the norm

Anxiety so thick it could choke you

Future relationships may never build because I’m terrified of everyone

All of his family & most mutual friends have turned their backs on me, because his lies are so thick they cannot see past his bullshitting abuse to women

I fell in love with a ghost

I fell in love with a lie

I grieve a person who is still living, but that person isn’t even real

Eventually, I will heal

Love, Lori

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