I waited
I wondered
I cried
I ached with heart break all over
I questioned myself
I started doubting myself
I had break downs on the bathroom floor often
I evaluated myself in front of the mirror
I started changing my wants, needs, & hobbies to make him happy
He did nothing, nothing at all
He did not make me feel safe
He did not make me feel loved
He did not allow me to trust him
He did not give me the ability to trust a single word from his mouth
He did not allow me to believe his actions
He did not care for me if I was ill
He did not show interest in anything about my life, only to put me down
He did not treat me as his lady, just an annoying human
He did not give me the room to be happy
He did not make me believe that he loved me
He did not ever look at me with love, or even with lust
Over time I slowly became someone I was not
There was so much pain that it engulfed my mind, body, & soul
I felt raging anger I’ve never felt before
I was suffocating by a deep sadness
I loved him, but he made me feel as if I was a criminal for doing so
It was the greatest state of confusion I’ve ever experienced
I had to eat his lies spread about me to his family, friends, & coworkers that just made me so deathly sick
People have turned their backs on me because of his lies
I have to heal from someone that never loved me
PTSD is now my thing
Nightmares have become the norm
Anxiety so thick it could choke you
Future relationships may never build because I’m terrified of everyone
All of his family & most mutual friends have turned their backs on me, because his lies are so thick they cannot see past his bullshitting abuse to women
I fell in love with a ghost
I fell in love with a lie
I grieve a person who is still living, but that person isn’t even real
Eventually, I will heal
Love, Lori
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