To The Woman I Used To Know…I Love You!

My Pretty Lady,

I want to apologize for allowing the ugly things in life to happen to you, although some were out of your control. Some were stronger and bigger than you could handle. Some were of the devil. I’ve lead you into some of the most difficult things a woman can bear. I lead you into the fire, the pits of hell several times. I am sorry.

I’ve allowed you to make rash decisions without considering the consequences. I’m so sorry.

Because of my lack of thinking, I caused you to be homeless a couple of times. I’ve heard your stomach growl. I heard the rumors being spread that you were on dope due to the loss of weight, but the truth was, it was because of the lack of food.

I should have given you more encouragement to achieve a better career so you wouldn’t have to struggle so hard. I do love you sweet girl.

I am sorry that your heart is so damn broken right now. I know it feels as if it will never heal, I know because I can feel our heart. I’m sorry I lead you to that destruction. I know at first it seemed as if it was something beautiful but the devil was beautiful too. I know you gave everything you had in you to that man that you fell in love with. I know you would have handed him stars if you could reach them. I know you would’ve done absolutely anything for him because you loved him so very much, but he did not love you in return. I see you. I see the pain in your eyes. I can feel your heart pounding out of your chest. I can feel that gulp in your throat. I noticed there’s no tears anymore because there’s none left to cry, I tried to cry for you. I do love you.

I know you stood and took every harsh word, every ounce of disrespect, every almost swing to the face, every lie to you & about you, every threat that you deserved to be hit, every false accusation, and every drop of anger dished out to you like a warrior. I know you forgave every time you were wronged, and that took a lot of strength out of you. Looking beyond others faults and habits because you tried to see the best in them. I was there when you were never shown the love back, in secret or publicly. You watched as everyone else was made more important and spoke of…except you, I seen that you were hidden and shamed too. I seen that you were also made to look stupid, only God knows what’s really went on the entire time. I am sorry.

No woman or man deserves that kind of treatment from a partner or a friend. We are all human, yes, but some carry evil in their hearts and call themselves a good person. They have their family & friends convinced that you are the evil one, the psycho, the narcissist. Oh at the screams of how insecure, jealous, & a toxic case you stood, wept, & accepted simply because you loved him. Our hearts, minds, and emotional states are extremely important, and it’s very selfish for anyone to treat another with such hateful ways.

I know you are weary but I can also see that gleam in your eye because you know you’re going to bounce back even better than you did the last time.

Now let me tell you this. I will never abandon you again. I will never cause you to question yourself ever again. Our gut knows her shit. I will push you to excel at the things you love. I will fight for you. I will help strengthen you to notice bad energy before they have a chance to break your heart again. Stop explaining your worth to useless fools, because you are very worth every ounce of you. You are a beautiful person and I’ve led you down paths where you were beaten down to believe that you wasn’t.

You are important.

We will come back together again soon, for I am one of the pieces of you that bounced away when your world shattered into a million pieces. You will be whole again.

You will be better than you’ve ever been. This world is not prepared for the woman you are becoming, they were not prepared for the woman you were. Those that have wronged you will see you shine first, and they will regret that you don’t know them anymore, and they’re no longer a part of your life. They will regret allowing you to walk out of their lives so easily.

I am so sorry for what I’ve allowed to happen to you.

I see us growing and getting stronger everyday. We will unite as one with more love for our self.

I’m sorry that I caused you so much pain… I love you.

Love, a piece of brokenness from your shattered heart.

P.S. To all readers…No I’m not crazy talking to myself. We are responsible for most of what happens to us whether we realize it in the moment or not. We have to forgive ourselves first as well as love ourselves. If you don’t stand for YOU, who’s going to? There are certain paths that we must walk alone, and healing is one of them. What works for one person doesn’t work for the next person. Take the much needed time to heal on your own time or you’ll never get well. We cannot just unlove someone, it takes time. Also, their awful actions will speed things up a bit because we start to fall out of love with them. Preaching to myself as well as you…..Don’t give up, don’t give out, and don’t go back to the fire you walked out of.

Love, Lori