I Tried To Love You…

For years I fought with every bit of strength I had to love you.

I fought so hard that now I’m too exhausted to continue the fight.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I was held accountable for every mistake, fault, & wrong that you did to me.

I had to apologize for You hurting Me.

I tried in every way to get you to notice me, only me, but I couldn’t. You look past me with complete disrespect & disregard for my feelings to drool over other women, even on social media.

I couldn’t win.

Every broken promise, every lie, every deceitful moment, every harsh word, every painful night I spent with tears in my eyes….changed me.

I’m no longer the same woman.

I may appear weak in your eyes, but that’s your illusion of me. Actually I’m stronger than I’ve ever been in my life. And now you’re weak because you don’t have me.

You….made me stronger & you don’t even realize it.

The strength I gained now protects me from…you. You can no longer hurt me.

I gave up everything about my life for you.

I don’t even know what I like to do anymore.

You destroyed my spirit.

I gave myself to you wholeheartedly, faithfully, & honestly.

I want to take back everything I ever gave you of myself. My heart. My love. My care. My secrets. My hobbies. My likes. My time. My tears. My laughs. My frowns. My good & bad days. My touch. My sex. My coconut scent. My goofiness. My worries. My dreams. My look I gave you because I loved you so much despite every pain you caused. But most of all…I want that moment back when I accepted your friend request, so I can hit delete instead of accept, so that all of this train wrecked 6 years of my life never happened.

If you can so easily sleep with another less than 24 hours of a break up, you did NOT love me. If you think it will blot me from your mind, you’re wrong. I will be in your thoughts all the time. You didn’t just meet, & pretend to have a relationship with one of your local disease ridden meth whores. You…met…Me. A woman you’ve never had before. A woman worth having. A woman that could’ve made your future life great, but you remain living in the past. You remain chasing the same exact useless, immature, irresponsible, still living with momma little girls.

You compared me to your usual doped up lowlifes you continue to hang around. Big mistake. They’ll only bring you back down to the bottom.

Never again will I allow you or anyone else to have me putting myself & my family beneath you & yours. Never.

Never again will you have the opportunity to hurt me. To belittle me. To lie to me. To sneak around behind my back. To make fun of everything about myself. To twist your wrongs into becoming mine. To forget about me. To put me last. To make me cry. To have me confused about what love is or isn’t. To make me apologize for your wrongs as if they were mine. To create a monster out of me to your family & friends when all along you were the demon.

To question my own self.

You will never have the opportunity to lay next to me & lie straight to my face that you’re in love with me, knowing you were just using me until you found someone else you’d rather sleep with for a day or two, ever again.

I will never settle for a man who’s afraid to commit. Afraid to freely say & show love. Afraid to even post on silly social media about me because some other female might see it.

You will not have the chance again to straighten up. I’ve given you many chances. There is none left.

You can lie, sleep around, make fun, work all day, put on a fake face for the world to see….but you will not forget the fact that you lost the best thing you’ve ever had in your life. Your gut & soul will not allow you to forget me.

So when you’re laying there wishing I was too, remember how little the love was you showed to me. Remember how big the disrespects & lies were. When you roll over in the middle of the night, & reach for me because you forgot I wasn’t there anymore……just remember how poorly you treated me, always putting me last.

You never built me up. You would always beat me down with your harsh words. Always implying that you’re better than anyone.

Adult bully.

When you’re laying there wishing I’d walk out of that bathroom in nothing but your t-shirt, & wet curly hair……just remember why I’m no longer there.

You can hide behind the fakeness you show to your family & friends, & to the world & they’ll probably believe you, but you can’t fool me or yourself. You know damn well you fucked up. You know 99% of everything was your selfish, inconsiderate self.

We were great together when you were in the mood to love me. We could’ve been the shit, but you choose your loose lifestyle you’ve always had…over me. You can keep that, & keep away from me.

We could’ve been great together….

Our chapter is over. The book is closed.


P. S.

Good luck with your life. By letting you go, I now have a brand new start to a beautiful life that I deserve!

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