Better Off Single Til Someone Truly Loves Your Soul!!

Good morning!

I have to tell the world of how at peace I am today. I can sleep, eat, & function throughout the day. I don’t cry. I’m not laying around in a depressed state. I’m actually smiling & laughing everyday. I’m going out & doing things. I’m enjoying life for the first time in five years.

I Am Myself Again!!!!! That alone is the best feeling ever!

Narcissism is abuse… No, every breakup or divorce cannot be claimed as he or she is a narc. There’s a huge difference.

It is mental & emotional abuse. It’s worse than physical abuse. It will take time to heal without a doubt. I’m healing & it may be awhile before I am completely healed. But let me explain to you that with just a little while away from the hell & I already feel better!

It’s stupid as hell to me but yes I do still love him… But it’ll fade. Just because I have love for him doesn’t mean I want to see him or be with him ever again. The love will fade alongside healing from the mental & emotional abuse. It’s normal to still love them because it means that you really did love them & care for them with everything you had in you.

If they’re not contacting you & have just wrote you off, then you know they didn’t love you. Most likely they’ve already found another female to play games on or they’re searching for one or many. More than likely there was another woman in his dm’s that he was hiding before they abandoned you. When they pull away from you, stop wanting to be around you, stop having sex with you, stop saying I love you, etc. It usually means someone else has their attention.

It sickens me at how much you can really love a man & they just shit on you over & over. But the real problem is that we allow them to. The real problem is sometimes they’re narcissists. Just calling them one doesn’t mean they are. When they show every single sign there is out there that proves they’re a narcissist, then well most likely they are.

They’ll take the way you’re responding to their actions as you are just a psycho crazy bitch. Then they suddenly want to seek out another woman looking for peace. The peace you gave them before they started their mental & emotional abuse is what they still crave, but you’re expected to continue being who you were while taking in all that abuse. The next woman will eventually experience it as well, & she’ll be the next crazy bitch in no time.

Loving him is on me. I tried to love him despite everything. I thought real love would change him, but it did not. All I received was a major heart break that caused me to walk away for good.

You cannot thrive in an environment where you’re constantly told you’re not good enough. That nothing you do is good enough. Hearing, “You’re not a good enough woman for me & my business” all the time messes with your head. It causes you to doubt yourself. It causes your mind to start to believe that you’re not good enough for anyone or anything at all. And that’s nonsense!

Sex is withheld or it’s only allowed on their time. And sometimes it’s used to pull you back in when they know they’ve wronged you so they try to make you feel loved & wanted by them to pull you back in with sex. Sex doesn’t mean love. It doesn’t mean anything coming from a narcissist other than control over you.

It doesn’t matter how much you’re there for them, or love them. They don’t care. What they’ll do is turn it around & say you did it for your own spiteful self. They’ll say that you are secretly seeking revenge on them somehow.

The loving person you seen in the beginning is not who they are. It was a tactic to get you so attached to them so you’d never leave on your own. They want to be in charge of letting you go & everything else. They will without a doubt break up with you over something they’ve twisted into something it isn’t. It’ll be something so small that gets blown out of proportion so all friends & family will believe that you are a horrible, insensitive, worthless piece of shit to them. Don’t even try to tell your side of the story, because no one will believe you. Everyone around them doesn’t see what you see, or hear what you hear. That charm you fell for, that wonderful person you fell for….is what everyone else still sees!!!!!!!!!! So no, they won’t believe you.

They will never own up to what they’re doing to you. A narcissist knows they’re a narcissist. They know what they’re doing to you & they don’t care….. At All!

They do not possess self respect so do not expect that they’re going to respect you.

Narcs never apologize. And I mean they NEVER apologize! They will never accept that they do anything wrong. They will in fact twist anything to where you’re apologizing to them.

For example, mine said he loved me so much. Wanted a future with me, & talked about it. Wanted to live with me. Even looked for places to live. Then abandons me just like that. He’s able to text & meet other women without a drop of remorse in his body. He doesn’t miss me. He doesn’t regret treating me like shit. He hasn’t shed one tear over me. He hasn’t lost any sleep. Why?….because his love was fake. He played along until I figured him out & stopped allowing him to disrespect me.

They’re kids watch them live their immature life. But the truths are hidden of course. Only those that are intimate & fall in love with them know what’s up. We’re the ONLY ones who know the truths about the narcissists.

But here’s the thing, when someone loves you & I mean loves you…..they wouldn’t be able to stay away from you let alone not talking to you for one day. It’s easy for them because they really didn’t love you, they loved the way you loved them & made home life seem good for once in their life. You’re only a fill it in to fit the need they craved at that particular time frame. The moment you stand your ground & refuse to change another damn thing about you is the moment you will undoubtedly see their true colors. They will leave you for such a stupid reason. Everyone & I mean everyone will believe all of the lies he spreads about you. You will be mirrored. He will make himself look like a good person like you are, but he will also make you look like him to everyone else. Your roles will reverse & everyone will believe him. Why? Because like I’ve said, they all still see the charming, loving, giving, funny, considerate hell of guy that you seen in the beginning. They don’t know any better. As far as they’re concerned, you’re just another stupid bitch he accidentally found that tried to ruin his life. On & on about how he cannot find a good woman. Pity parties in the inbox for the poor fella with several different women about how cruel you were to him. Those women don’t know any better just like you didn’t the beginning. They will hate you because of the lies he tells them about you….you will look like a crazy bitch or a narcissist by the time he’s done lying about you to everyone.

Nothing but rude & hateful comments, judgements, etc by them. Everything you’ve ever said or done that was wholeheartedly from your soul will be twisted to you are now the narcissist to anyone who will listen to them & their lies.

Narcs will attempt to change everything about you to suit their needs & or lifestyle. You like animals & they don’t? Well forget about having animals. You like your hair color & they don’t? Pick a color. You like cooking your recipes the way you always have? Well forget about it, because him or someone he knows can do it better. And he will point it out. Anything you love or like doing is dumb, childish, a waste of time or money, or just plain annoying to them.

You are a normal good person just like me. But to everyone y’all know & his family & circle of friends you are now the crazy person. He will convince everyone anytime he can that you are the narc. That you are the problem. That you were so mean to him. That you were just insecure. That you were selfish. That you purposely caused arguments. That you are no good for a relationship with him or anyone. That YOU hurt them. Sound familiar?

They may spend money on you & cause you to think they care. But the moment you disagree with anything about them, it will be thrown in your face. “Look what I’ve done for you”, or “I spent that much & you still don’t trust me?”. Money don’t buy love or trust!!!! A narcissist cannot be trusted!

The best & only way to put a stop to your heart being broke over & over by the same person is to cut off all contact with them. Just because they do contact you here & there out of the blue doesn’t necessarily mean they love you, they will try to hold onto you to keep their grip on you in case they need you later, but they still never change. You have to ignore them. Every call or text. Every attempt they throw out to contact you has to be ignored. Total silence is the only way to make them stop. They don’t love you, you have to remind yourself of that regardless of how much you love them. It is not fair for you to always hurt & be miserable. That isn’t love.

Love don’t hurt, lie, cheat, put you down, or leave you lonely, nor does it abandon the hell out of you!

They’ll feel like they’re your person. It’ll seem as if you two are meant to be. It’ll all feel so strong & sure. The sad truth is it only feels that way to you honey.

They’re love doesn’t exist.

The love is one sided. You’re the only one that is doing any loving.

You will isolate yourself so that you can heal. They will be in bed with another before your side of the bed has time to get cold. And that’s because there was already a back up waiting for you to leave.

They crave attention, admiration, sexual highs from anyone that’ll give it to them, etc. BUT the sadest thing is that we give them all of that & more with intense passion because we love them….. but it isn’t enough. No one will ever be enough for them. It’s not that you or I are worthless, it’s because they are. They don’t respect their self, life, or body.

I absolutely wore myself slap the hell out mentally, emotionally, & physically loving this man for right at 5 years. I was so tired & still so in love with him that I had to just remove myself for my own good. I knew I’d never get the respect, love, admiration, care, time, passion, attention, etc from him like I gave so damn freely.

I woke up

I seen a glimpse of happiness through my own family & I caught myself daydreaming of peaceful quite places.

I often wonder what it’d be like to be loved the way I love.

I often wonder how sweet it’d be to be able to trust a man fully because he makes damn sure I have no reason at all to not trust him. Always working on it even after I trust him. Always putting me first over any other female.

I recently caught myself turning my head away because one of my sons opened their phone. I panicked. I did that because I wasn’t allowed to look at the narcissists phone. Even if I was told to, there was nothing there obviously due to everything staying deleted. But that fear I felt glancing at my sons phone was absolutely ridiculous. There are many other things like that I am experiencing now because emotional & mental abuse are real, & it’ll bother you for some time until you can get back to normal.

I along with so many others can write until we are sick of writing about relationships, narcs, abuse, etc. Until you stand up for yourself, you’ll never be able to free yourself. Our words may help you notice or point out some of the same routine things happening in your life, but you’re the only one that can walk away.

Every 3 months we broke up like clock work over some little thing he blew out of proportion. During every break up I was in excruciating pain, while he was in bed with another woman.

Five years of hell. Five years of my heart being ripped out & handed to me on a platter. Five years of crying. Five years of trying. Five years of giving ALL of myself. Five years of my life wasted & I mean wasted.

So exhausting to fall in love with a man who doesn’t love you & has issues. I was in a 23 year long relationship/marriage that didn’t exhaust every bit of my soul like the 5 year ‘relationship/situationship’ did.

I read something somewhere that said you’ll love 3 times in your life. I’ve sincerely loved twice. Liked a few but didn’t love them. So the 3rd love is supposed to be ‘The One’ that is for you. You think that’s true? Who knows…

Today I walk alone… I am completely alone. And I will continue to walk alone until the right friends & man come into my life & love me like I deserve to be loved. Alone doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, because I am happy. I am free from chaos, confusion, manipulation, lies, etc. My friends, his friends & his family have all turned their backs on me because they simply believe him. Because they only see his charming ways. Now I’m the crazy one, the narcissist, the liar, the cheater, the spiteful piece of shit ex of his. That’s called projection. His faults, issues, & problems are twisted so that everyone sees me as a bad person instead of him, the one that actually is guilty all of the above.

It actually hurts me to acknowledge that he has serious issues like that because it makes me realize that he never loved me & never will.

I do love him still…. I do wish him the best. I do pray for him still.

I’m now done.

I’m now living for Me.

I’m now putting myself first.

I will never allow myself to be dragged through the mud again just because I love a man….

Love, Lori

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