April 21, 2019

That Smile Tho

A smile I didn’t even know existed had landed upon my face.

It felt different like a stranger, but it felt great. It made my face hurt but in a good way.

I didn’t realize it until others made comments about it. They said I’ve never seen you smile so pretty, or your eyes look so big & beautiful & full of life.

That sparkle in my eyes was shining bright apparently.

The feeling of belonging, feeling wanted, feeling loved, feeling needed was so magical.

My walk was lighter.

My heart skipped beats. Actually I wanted to skip every time I walked that’s how happy I was.

At first, I was afraid to let it out because every time I got excited about anything it would blow up in my face. I contained it for weeks before it overtook me & exploded like a wave crashing on a bank.

So I let it shine, I could no longer hold it back. It felt amazing.

I felt sooooo…..On top of the world! Never really felt that before.

Sadly, as usual, it lasted about a week before it blew up in my face.

People quickly noticed the usual frown was back on my face, & my eyes had dimmed back to their darkness again. Sparkle was gone.

I prayed, I cried for days til my eye lids were so swollen I could barely see.

I don’t know what God has in store for me, I really don’t. He comforted me to the point that he shut off the crying immediately one day because I thought I was literally having a heart attack.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel that way again in my life, but for that short time it was absolutely amazing.

I’ll never forget it.

I want it back, I do, but only if it freely comes to me. I will never beg.

Lori

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