I’ve lived in a cocoon most of my life. Never truly allowing anyone in. Being wronged throughout life just simply causes you to put up a wall without realizing it fully.

Loneliness has always been there for me even in a crowded room full of people.

Having so much to say but I just keep it to myself.

I’m far from perfect but I’m honest.

Life feels like that cocoon is beginning to open. I feel wanted, I feel loved & needed.

I still feel fear. I catch myself holding back because that’s what I’m used to doing. I fear everything. I can’t help it. But…..

I’m actually happy for the first time in a long time. I’ve done nothing but bust my ass working & praying for the last couple of years. I even prayed for what I feel for another to just go away because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore, but I could feel strongly in my soul being told to hang on & don’t give up every time I prayed. I felt like I wasn’t good enough a lot. Now I feel like I’m on top of the world.

I understand in full capacity of what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep other than most people using it as only a statement. I haven’t cried in weeks & its nice. I’m smiling & laughing which is nice as well.

I’ve prayed & wished my whole life to feel what I feel right now & for it to be given back to me just as strong. A dream come true.

Something in me changed. I feel like a brand new woman. A happy woman.

My words may not make sense to you that I write, but hopefully you can somewhat understand. I’m at a level of happiness I didn’t know existed.

If you can remember when you were a kid running through the mud puddles and splashing how great & happy that felt. That’s how I feel right now. Or a little girl running through a field of tall grass with no worries at all. Just freedom from pain, sunshine on her face, wind in her hair. A butterfly escaping its shell. That’s me.

I haven’t smiled this much in so long, my cheeks hurt lol.

I don’t know what all my future holds but I love how my life is going.

Love, Lori

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