February 26, 2019

Toxic People

Oh how they will drain everything they can from you.

Take, take, take..

Doesn’t matter how good you are to them.

You can give them your time, your sleep, & yourself….& they will not even think of you.

They only love on you until they’re done using you.

People ghost/leave people they were using.

They will use your love against you with no intentions of ever loving you back.

They are very sick people.

Until I was divorced, I didn’t truly know the world. Ever since then I’ve met some very cruel people. I’ve wrote about it before.

I had friends that I loved dearly, but they stabbed me in the back pretty quickly. I didn’t see it coming. They broke my heart.

I fell in love with a man that I should’ve walked away from. I didn’t know pain could come from your heart so strongly…………until him. He destroyed my heart.

I’ve never done anything intentionally to hurt anyone like they’ve done to me.

The pain-heartache-lies. It doesn’t rule over my life anymore, but its always there in the back of my mind I guess.

Crying? Nah, no one is worth my tears. I matured enough from the pain & deceit to realize that they don’t deserve me, & I’m not wasting my precious time & tears on any of them.

My sons have anger towards every one of them for hurting me like they have & that I allowed these people to hurt me for so long. They truly love me. I’m sure they wish I would meet a good man that’d take care of me right. I wish I could too but I’m afraid to get hurt again. I don’t think my heart has the strength to go through it again.

I do have peace because I choose to have peace. Over a week again I was humiliated & hurt for the last time through a nasty phone call. I realized then that I’m far worth more than this nonsense. I’m done being used & trampled on like I’m some damn rug in their floor.

Does it still hurt? Bother me? Do I think about it? YES! But I choose to remain calm for my own good. I refuse to walk around with my head down all day & sobbing. They don’t care either way so why should I be miserable? I just turn up the radio, shake my ass & dance it off.

My life isn’t perfect & neither am I, but I’m better than them simply because I’d never purposely pretend to love or care for them like they’ve done to me.

I keep going every single day. Even when I couldn’t stand or couldn’t stop crying, I kept going. If I broke down at work, someone would hug me up until I could shake it off of myself to continue on with my day.

Everyone wants me to be quite about them. That’s bullshit, it’s only so they don’t read the truth about themselves, & so others don’t see what a piece of shit they really are. They’re not the ones that hurt…I am!

I will stand up for me!

Toxic people will always be toxic people. A whore will always be a whore. A liar will always lie. Etc.

One day when I’m able to allow it again. Some man will be blowed away at the love I have to give him. I’m not bragging or being conceited, its the flat out truth. All the wifey material he could ever want is just in my nature, I can’t help it, I care. Strong work ethic, 100% faithful, love making that he’ll be mesmerized with because I love passion leading it. Unknown but to a few that sex is not just sex with me. Know what the red room is? I’ll just leave that there…..

Why would a man walk off from me is something I’m asked all the time. The only answer I have is I guess because I don’t have tats, big boobs, & I don’t do drugs. Men prefer women that’ll hurt them. Women that are no good for them over women like myself. A good time is more important than a good woman to them. I know it isn’t all men but there is a lot of them that’s like that.

I don’t even try to understand people anymore, it’s exhausting.

I do have to say that I have met some people that have proved their self being there for me. I’ve known them for a good bit, & I cautiously & purposely kept my distance until I felt safe enough to be there friend. I wasn’t being rude or mean, it was for my own sake. But meeting another man & allowing him in will be a difficult task.

I want someone don’t get me wrong, but I’m terrified of men now. I want to give my love to a man, I really do because its all bottled up now & hiding in a dark place. If you knew the true depth of pain that I’ve felt, you’d understand.

I do hope that y’all have your life love or find yours. Have a beautiful day.

Lori

Just keep smiling………

2 Comments

Leave a Reply to Anthony Cancel reply

%d bloggers like this: