Running through a dark damp forest with no sign of a way out.
Fighting for strength to open my eyes & wake up from my dreams.
Gasping for air from my heart pounding at the thoughts.
Life racing fast in a blur directly at my face & I cannot move.
I look around but I do not see anything because I see nothing but memories.
Excruciating pain from every beat of my heart. For the causer will never understand the depth of pain inflicted on me.
My steps are like those of walking through knee high water.
Staring blankly at the wall, & my mind is like a carousel of thoughts that will not stop spinning.
My hands tremble at what could’ve been.
My heart is as deep as the ocean, & I’m drowning.
You cut me deep, I almost bled to death.
I can see a glimpse of light ahead in the forest.
My eyes popped wide open when I needed them too.
My heart soothed itself & I can breath.
Life slowed down, I’m able to look around & see things clearer.
I can now see the grass, people, & things, not just thoughts.
My heart is healing itself for me because it knows enough is enough of that pain. It beats gently. The causer will feel the pain I felt.
My steps are becoming lighter as the water is getting lower, I’m now stomping the water under my bare feet.
My mind doesn’t spin as fast on the thoughts, I actually notice the dust on the wall.
I no longer tremble at could’ve beens, I’m thankful I’m free from what would’ve been the worst for me.
I just coughed up all the water that was drowning my heart in pain.
I looked down & applied a bandage, I no longer bleed. I’m alive.
My touch is so gentle for I fear of hurting something or someone like I used to hurt. I could never.
For one day soon someone will match my heart. My love. My wants. My needs. He will match me.
He will understand why I was almost executed with so much pain….It was to be able to notice real love, what love really feels like.
This one, the last one in my life will never hurt me for I will be enough for him. He is a man, not a boy. He will see that my worth is far more precious than how others have mistreated me, using me. They see it but they’re afraid of commitment with me for I’m too strong for them. He won’t be anything like anyone I’ve ever met in my life, as I will cherish him in the same ways. I will view him the exact same as he will view me. Real love.
I will receive the best because I passed the test of having the worst.