January 14, 2019

Rolling Along With Life

As I sit here this morning at a mechanics shop getting yet more used tires put on my truck because the last set of used tires is showing wire now. I do this at least once every other month or two, gets old but not everyone can afford new tires that last a little while longer.

I am in a better place emotionally but I was sitting here in my truck where its warm & jacked up just thinking about things. Every single day is a hustle for me. If I slack one time it throws everything off. I’m really tired but I can’t stop.

The cost of this tire changing out dips into my bill money. So I’m obviously already thinking how can I make this up? It’s mentally exhausting. I don’t have anyone that’ll be there for me, so any fund related anything including bills is all on me. I so badly cannot wait until my debts are gone & I can finally for the first time….breath & relax, buy more than a couple days of groceries, go somewhere, etc. Yes its frustrating & stressful BUT I’m thankful I’m where I’m at & not where I was, sleeping in truck stop parking lots ya know. All the hard work will pay off & soon.

I know I’m not the only one that works their butt off, its been a long hard road for me as you can read in earlier posts. Every day for like 2 1/2 years this is how I’ve lived. I have every intention & I’m determined to be debt free before this year is up. I’m done with it all & I don’t want to keep carrying the burden of this shit storm I caused for myself for the rest of my life.

I attempt to be positive as much as possible everyday.

I don’t look to others for help because everyone I know has let me down in some way. I solely depend on myself & my own judgment whether it ends up being right or wrong, I learn from it which makes me a little stronger & wiser.

I used to say, “I wish I had a damn man to take care of me & all of this”, now I refuse to think that. Most men won’t help without something to boot. (One friend did tho without drama, helped get my truck running one time).

I really don’t have time to sit & feel alone or upset. I work & sleep, that’s it. I have all intentions of doing something big with my sons towards the end of this year, & that keeps pushing me as well.

You cannot give up no matter how long it takes you.

If you continue to move forward regardless of the time it takes, you’re progressing.

Hold on, work ya butt off, stay as strong as you can.

You’re going to make it!

Love, Lori

2 Comments

  • You do sound like you are in a great mental state. Biils and money come and go that’s life but what you take from it is growth of you and you are doing great you have become a very strong woman that is power. As I said in an earlier post you are a very good writer you have a way of getting your point across.

    • I try to turn it all into stepping/learning stones instead of depression. I’m having a NAD night at work with tears in my eyes but I keep reminding myself of where I want to be to calm down. I simply have decided to handle it all differently. Thank you

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