January 11, 2019

Strength

When I was way younger, growing up in Harlan Kentucky, it was just my mom & mammaw that were my authority figures. They taught me everything & made me do weird chores when I had a brother who I thought should do them. I had to mow, weed eat, shovel coal & load the stoker stove along with keeping it running, wash cars, & not to mention I was taught everything a woman needs to know. I knew how to cook, sew, laundry, etc at an early age. They taught me to be able to depend on myself. I didn’t realize until having to deal with the past year of hell (one of the worst years of my life), that they taught me more than I thought.

They taught me how to be strong. They planted a seed in me that I didn’t even know was there. I cried, got depressed, lost everything & everyone, got devastatingly dumped, both sons had serious medical problems & came close to losing my younger son to a brain stem stroke followed by the high risk surgery, & many other things. Everything that could’ve went wrong…went wrong!

Every single day I would get up to the best of my ability & push through each day. Pain in my heart, tears in my eyes, fears pounding me to death…..I kept pushing. I often wondered how in the hell am I still alive? I think others would’ve had a heart attack with that much pain being endured.

My precious momma in next 3 pics.

I can’t explain it really but they knew what they were doing raising me. I wish I could thank them but they’re both in heaven now. I loved them both dearly & both of their deaths took a bad toll on me. When momma died, I changed, something snapped & I’ve never came back from it.

I just want to say to some of you. If you feel like I felt the past year, YOU are strong enough. You will make it. You can’t tell me nothing I don’t already know.

  • You’re alone
  • No one checks on you
  • You cannot get out of bed
  • You wonder why you even exist
  • Nothing is going right
  • You feel like you just want to die or have tried to like I did

I know how it feels, believe me. It seems as if there’s no way out & no way to get back on top. No way to feel like yourself again. I Know!

I had not one damn soul to help me during all of that, not one! I started a mental list of the things people did to me so that I could hate their ways & that began giving me strength enough to go back to work & be around people. Not to mention being able to pay bills. I had no home for awhile, I lived in my truck. BUT, I was happier. I could face the sun light, I had somewhere to sleep out of the weather, & money in my pocket. The little things made all the difference & slowly come to where I now have a home & fixing to start a business. Not to mention I’m determined to get out of debt before this year is up!!

I busted my ass to get to where I am today. You gotta want it bad.

I was blessed by strength being planted in me & if I only help one of you….It is worth having this blog & putting my personal life public.

Your day outcome is up to you, make it a good one!

Love, Lori…Muahhh

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