December 29, 2018

Front Porch Sitting

The sun is out finally! Not sure how long it’ll last but I’m sitting here enjoying it while I can.

I was sitting here thinking….

Thinking about things….a lot of things. Mostly these lame men I keep finding as you’ll read below lol, I just keep going & going haha. But there’s my family & myself with life’s issues dealt out on everyone. I want to fix everything for everyone but I know I can’t.

I was staring at the big cats of mine laying around on the porch & told them they have it made simply because they’re not human lol. They eat, sleep, get fat & nobody cares….furry assholes, I’m jealous haha!

I’m grateful that I am single. I really am because no one can hurt me anymore. No one can use me, or make me feel like a nobody or a piece of meat, or mislead me.

I used to think I wasn’t good enough, but I’ve realized that I’m over qualified for them & they’re just damn idiots to let me go. Pain makes you feel like you’re unworthy even though you’re definitely not. I won’t go back to anyone I’ve already been with. It’s toxic to go back. They don’t deserve me…….& I don’t deserve being treated like shit.

I’ve learned that this time to myself (being single) is very good for my health. My heart needs the break. My soul needs the rest. I’m very picky & stingy with whoever gets a minute of my time, so good luck with that. I’m proud of myself for learning to put myself first.

I love sitting here on my porch listening to the birds & staring through the trees.

I also love the fact that no one is ordering me around & ruining my day, everyday. It’s quite peaceful.

It may not be much for you to look at it, but I quite enjoy it.

Being single & wild & free may keep me from wanting another relationship to be honest. He’ll have to be a damn amazing man who’s amazing in bed & everything else in between!!

I don’t do drugs, I’m not a whore, I don’t let anyone run all over me anymore so, those 3 things alone turns off most of the loser men (I mean boys) right at the start. Clears them out of my path. I do think its sad & pathetic that men choose such lowlife women to be their mate or they choose to be whores themselves. I mean what kind of life is that? They will literally turn down ‘Good’ women who could make their life amazing to choose the pathetic life & make some useless female a wife?!

Being single doesn’t mean you have to sleep with everyone.

As for me, like I said the next one will have to be absolutely amazing to get my attention. I can wait, I don’t have to have sex because I can take care of that on my own. No need in sleeping around.

You’ve all seen the posts ‘You don’t know this new me’..right? Well literally this is true for me….If you don’t personally know me right now, you have no idea who I am anymore.

Pain changes you!

But… I do want someone but I don’t want a repeat of the past junk. I just broke up with someone about a week ago, & there were clear signs of the same narcissistic controlling behavior that I’m tired of dealing with. I literally ended it abruptly without question as soon as I sensed it.

I want happiness & to feel love, not have to beg for it. Or hope there isn’t a cute chick that’s popped up in their friend list that they suddenly have to go secretly bang (am I wrong here?). The hiding of the phone, folders, pics, times, etc. Never accurate about where they are or have been. I’m done with these f’k boys, & what’s sad is that these are grown ass men acting like they’re 17, disgusting. I want to be able to trust someone fully but apparently that’s not how it works these days. Everybody done slept with everybody & none are single!

The way I see it is that I’m now single again & I will remain single & enjoy this time again until I meet a real man who wants a real relationship.

Anyways…..LOL! There I went! Haha. I hope y’all have a beautiful day!!

Love, Lori

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