Sometimes the bad things that happen to us seem to strip away our Christmas spirit. That wonderful, heartwarming love that you feel during the holidays. That excitement that we once had. The cheer & love that filled our hearts seemed to have become lost.
I used to be very seriously into Christmas, I had a spirit that couldn’t be shaken or so it seemed. After quite a few sad moments in my life, starting the day my mother passed away, my Christmas spirit slowly fizzled out over the years.
This whole year has been a strange one. So much happened in one year from Christmas to Christmas, bad & sad things happened to myself & my family. But as I sit here today, I realized that the healing process from after all of it has began to come to light. Today I can see so much clearer than I could last Christmas. I’m healing from deep within. It’s a beautiful feeling.
All of the pain has taught me so much even though I wish to never experience any of it again. I’m proud of myself that I’m able to protect my heart from oncoming relationships. Sad but good at the same time I can pick up on little things that guide me to know when I should walk away. I know what I seek & I know what I deserve.
For the past few months I’ve really tried to ignite that Christmas spirit in me. I’ve managed to do a little which is a lot in comparison so I’m proud of myself, baby steps.
I get so lost in thought I forget where I am or what I’m doing. I dream of my Christmas wish to come true. I think about it all day long. If you don’t have child-like faith, you won’t believe for much. I do & I’m believing……
Others think it’s silly but I think it’s magical. You just never know until you pray & seek.
My wish: To meet the love of my life on Christmas.
I’m not at all lonely as some think. I’ve been enjoying being alone but I want to share my life with someone who enjoys me, who gets me, who wouldn’t dare to hurt me in any way. I want to meet him. I pray for him everyday.
I almost thought I might’ve met him but it was a false alarm. I picked up on bad vibes & ended it. I will not allow pain & misery again. The one meant for you would do anything to keep from hurting you or bringing chaos into your life. He will bring peace to me not pain & confusion. Past relationships don’t mean that I wasn’t good enough for them, they were not the right men for me for different reasons.
If for some strange coincidence that he may read this, this is my words to him….
I don’t know where you are or if you’re praying to find me as well. I want to meet you so badly. I need you, not materialistically but my heart & soul needs you. I want to be embraced by you & feel at home. I want to create new adventures & memories with you. I want to love you.
Even if its not the right timing for us to meet on Christmas, I still believe we will meet soon. Until then I wish you happiness & I pray that your path leads to my path.
Take care & I love you,