For her the magic of Christmas has always been very much so alive, just like as a child but matures as she ages.
She can still remember the feeling of every Christmas morning as a child. The excitement, the love, the magic. It was also special because it was Jesus’ birthday.
The smells of the traditional Christmas foods in the air.
Her small family of five growing up stayed together because they were all each other had. Very close little family.
She has never lost the Christmas magic, even though last year it was very dark & dim for her. She held a Christmas decoration trying to hold onto it while dying inside. She lost everything. Her love, her friends, her job, her home, her things, & she was alone the whole day on Christmas. Alone, the first time ever in her life, she was alone on her favorite day of the year.
Tomorrow is thanksgiving & she can afford to cook this year for her & her kids, which means Christmas isn’t far away. She’s nervous & excited all in one. Nervous because she’s reminded of the pain she endured last year, excited because she has hope. She is full of hope & love. She has her Christmas wishes already in her heart for this year.
Her Christmas wishes are not easy. They’re almost impossible to most. She wants out of her $40,000 debt that’s incurred since she got divorced. Yes, she busts her butt to make it happen, it’s just that it isn’t happening fast enough. She prays daily for doors to open that would erase her mistakes or make it possible to get rid of all the debt.
That’s one of her wishes above. The other one is to be loved. To be loved & be in love. She doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. She wants to share her life with a special someone. Coming home to an empty home & empty bed every night gets lonely. She enjoys being single to a point, but when there’s absolutely no one to talk to about her day, it sucks. She knows no one is perfect, she knows she isn’t perfect but she wants someone to be imperfect with.
She dreams & gets lost in thought thinking about ‘him’. She even asks God, “Where is he”?
Her Christmas spirit is so lively on the inside, she can’t hardly contain it. She wonders why more aren’t like her. Why does everyone seem so cold or treat Christmas time like it’s all about money & gifts? It’s about Jesus, love, being together, etc.
Magical is the only word she can use to explain this time of year. Meeting someone who felt the same way would be, well, magical.
Lights, presents, Christmas music, recipes & foods, cinnamon in the air, all overtake her. Something on the inside of her is like a fire, a bright burning magical fire she cannot contain or put out. She just breathes it all year long.
With her faith in God, her hope as big as the ocean, her love so deep, she remains hopeful that her Christmas wishes come true.