You would think I would’ve already hit that point where enough is enough, but I hadn’t until here recently. Let me tell you that this woman has had enough! Enough of what you might wonder….well it’s everything! Finance’s, hiding my true self, MEN, etc. I hate men by the way in case you haven’t noticed lol. I hate that typical whore seeking, lying, narcissistic, cheating asshole that a big number of men are anymore. Yeah yeah I know it goes both ways…blah blah. I decided that if a man cannot match my honesty, fidelity, goofiness, & independent nature, lover of outdoors & dancing, then I don’t want one. They don’t even notice what color my eyes are for crying out loud, so no men for now. I have to take care of myself, truly take care of myself first.
Finance’s have always been an issue. I no longer want to work towards making it through the week, I want a whole lot more. I fantasize about not owing a damn penny to anyone more than I think about sex! Which is highly unusual by the way haha.
Because of men & finances, I haven’t been myself in a long time. Lately I’ve noticed that there are little moments where I can see & feel the woman I used to be before I was beaten down. It’s so nice, I just smile with that crooked grin like yeah there she is….that crazy lil bitch haha!
I am doing everything I can to stop allowing the past to rule my mind. Yeah I made bad decisions, got into ridiculous situations, hung out with the wrong people, fk’d around & got my heart destroyed, landed in tons of debt, took jobs that didn’t pay the bills. But the worst thing that happened was that I completely lost myself! I put myself, my beliefs, my character, my rules, my everything about me, aside.
You already know I love writing & my dream of traveling. I’m still working towards it without a doubt, but I do have to take care of the mess I’ve gotten myself into first.
I have to say…..my new job is so rewarding. I absolutely love it! Doing contractor work, pretty much anything. I’m learning stuff everyday & the woman that hired me is an amazing woman, full of life, beautiful, & smart as hell. I love the work & her. Normally no one would hire someone like me, not having experience, but she took me on & is training me. I know it’s a lot on her to constantly watch me & teach, but she has no idea just how thankful I am of her. Not only is she my boss, but she’s an awesome friend. I don’t dread going to work anymore. I jump up & get right with it!
I have no idea what’s in store for my future but I’m gonna bust ass to make the best of it!
I’m even kinda wanting to work out again. I wanna look good, but its for me not men. Make sense?
Rambling kind of day…heehee!
Have an awesome day!