August 9, 2018

I Tried To Be Quite…

So yesterday morning I woke up to the usual stress. Bills, bills, & more bills. They’re piling up not to mention the almost 20 grand that’s catching up with me. Not to mention I need my teeth fixed asap which is expensive as shit, simply because I’m sure its a turn off to men & I feel judged by it (my teeth are not me, I’m still me! Feeling like a freak). So much other nonsense & issues just eat at me everyday.

Soooo, I tried to be as quite as I could for a couple of days but it didn’t work. I tried to mentally escape the problems so that I could just breathe.

I’m so sick of always having money problems, it’s bullshit! Damn I’d like to be happy & enjoy life for a change. But you know what? I’m going to, somehow someway I will get out of debt simply because I can’t give up.

Yes sometimes being alone makes it seem even harder. I have NO ONE to turn to or lean on or live with or be with or nothing. It’s very scary for me at times, especially when a vehicle starts acting up… I’m not a mechanic even tho I’ll beat the motor with a tool til it works haha!

I felt a sense of peace or rest the other night. Not sure how to explain it, can’t really talk about it but not being alone was amazing, just that in its self was awesome. Unless you’re always alone, you’ll never understand the excitement of being around or with others. I felt ‘myself’ peak out from around the corner, like ohhhh this is nice. But as usual it’s gone & rarely happens. Oh well. It’s not about sex, get your mind out the gutter lol.

Yesterday was rough. I cried all day but nobody knew it. I drive a lot at work so that’s where I cuss, yell, or cry it out. I feel weak if I allow any of it to come out in front of others.

The bills & debt have me smothered for sure. I’ve come this far, I’ll keep going.

Being quite seemed to be a good idea at first but all it did was bottle it up & make me cry.

It’s 7am-ish something & I’m soaking in a hot bath, writing to you people. My body hurts all over so bad.

I wasn’t going to say nothing lol, but I started taking these pills about a month ago. They’re a number of things its good for, for a woman. I normally don’t believe that much of anything works but I did research & decided to try. The pills are working…. Except for my meltdown yesterday lol, I can think a little clearer & I’m calmer. Anyways, I can’t list all of them but here’s a few…. Helps-firms-adds or takes away-improves, etc….you get it right? Lol. Hormonal imbalance, skin, vaginal health, hips & boobs ((its working, firming right up! They’re sore just like when I was a teen)), bones, heart, can help fight cancer at right dosage, etc.

Anyways, gotta finish my bath. I hope y’all have a wonderful day!


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