July 2, 2018

Different?

Hello my friends! I’m back, and hopefully to stay. My blog and website was down, not sure what happened but the website developers fixed the problem. I was going crazy not being able to write plus I was posting way more than usual on my social media haha. This girl has to write or she’ll explode!

Sometimes I feel like I may have become to emotional in all areas of my life. Maybe its because of my past or maybe its because of what I want for my future. I literally look at everything differently, even just friendships. I said friendships because I lost all my friends due to rumors and just flat out jealous boring bitches. It may have something to do with almost losing my son to a stroke too and watching him go through all the struggles of it, BUT thank God he has won victory over it and is doing very well!

I know this is strange but I keep trying to love everyone now, and that’s the one thing I tried to avoid because of my ex. I don’t ever wanna feel that pain again…ever. I’m not sure if having a big heart is such a good thing anymore, seems to lead to troubles. I’ve tried to keep to myself but I just can’t do it. I’ve met people that I’m crazy about and I love having them as friends in my life, I just wish they showed the same interest or that I’m not taking it wrong. Hopefully its not one sided again….ugh.

I suppose all that makes me feel so different compared to others. I feel like an odd ball, an outcast, a loner. Some say I’m different and that its a good thing, but if its good then why aren’t they in my messages or at my house hanging out with me?I’m pretty much always alone anymore. It has caused me to focus on myself, learning about who I really am and truly loving myself.

I’m wide awake and that’s not good because I got two jobs now. Gotta get started at 7am and its almost 1:30am right now. I’m probably gonna dread it later lol. I spent most of Sunday with my youngest son. He mowed and I weed-eated all day and we still didn’t get done…omg I’m buying weed killer haha. But afterwards I went to the gym to work out then showered there because I can’t at home yet. I thought surely after that kinda day I’d sleep no problem but here I am lol. Plus my body hurts all over….what was I thinking??

I’m actually sitting at a laundry mat writing this hahahaha! Crazy I know.

Everything just feels so different in my life, I guess that’s why I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere or with anyone. Whatever I suppose.

Have a great day!

Lori

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