April 23, 2018

Trying To Be Positive Is Like Getting Blood From A Turnip

Being positive for myself is becoming a problem lately. I have tried to remain positive on everything but this….this problem I have now has the potential to ruin me.

I didn’t want to do it but I did, I started a gofundme thing. I don’t have a lot of faith in it because I did one a long time ago for help to keep from being evicted…..I was evicted to say the least, not one dime was received. But anyway the link is below. Please share it with everyone…please.

I hate asking for help but there’s nothing I can do. I’m out of money & I cannot get to my job, plus I have to have a ride to do my job so dropping me off isn’t any help.

I’m hoping to raise money for a down payment on another vehicle because the part is to expensive for my truck & I cannot find a used part anywhere.

My bills are piling up & some are already behind, I don’t see a ray of light for me!

My last post is full of anger I admit, mostly me panicking. If I could pull myself out by myself…..no one would even know of it, but I can’t so that’s why I’m spreading word for help.

One of my bills that is behind could cause me to end up in jail, I’ve never been to jail & I don’t want to start now!! Can you feel/see my urgency for help? Not one person has offered or suggested anything, guess that means there is nothing, I’m screwed.

If you are trying to fight for whatever you’re after, keep fighting! Hopefully you don’t have as many people hating on you for no reason like I do. I hope doors are opening for you. I hope you have found strength when you had none. Don’t let my hiccup discourage you, I’ll survive somehow.

I’ve applied for online writing jobs, still waiting for call backs. There’s really nothing else I can do at this time right now.

I ain’t gonna lie, I’m full of anger because of this, because I was working hard to better myself & I was doing good. The truck breaking down is out of my hands, I can’t duct tape it to make it work. Now I’m going backwards & it’s all worse than it was, dammit.

I had to speak with the company hosting my site (which is my blog), to keep it from getting shut down this morning. They’re giving me 7 more days, that’s it. Actually just about everything is going down in about a week…….I can’t breathe, I can’t get positive for nothing. I’m gonna end up breaking toes kicking everything in site.

I would love to just win the lottery but that only seems to happen for rich people, rich getting richer. A rich Uncle would be nice right about now, I don’t have no rich nobody.

Do you remember me telling you guys that I’m giving my truck to my son who had the stroke? Well I still am but it wasn’t suppose to be broke down, it wasn’t suppose to happen like this. I’m embarrassed & pissed off all at the same time about it. It is a gift & now I have to hand it over to him with it sitting here broke down, breaks my heart. I actually feel like a sorry ass person right now. Maybe everyone is right, maybe I am that piece of shit I’m being accused of being. Who the hell gives their kid a ride that don’t run? Me, that’s who, so I guess that makes me sorry as hell.

I’ve started crying again, & binge eating like hell. I’m trying to keep away from depression but damn it’s hard to do right now. I’m sitting here watching my life end before my eyes & there’s nothing I can do about it.

I swore to myself that when I was over the hurt from the ex whoever he was to me, that I was gonna keep my posts mainly uplifting & happy like. Well that didn’t fucking work out as planned!

I’ll keep holding on because well, I have nothing else to do or a choice.

I still don’t comprehend how people can sleep at night knowing of your situation, not having a care in the world. If I was on drugs, being a whore, never working…..I would understand why no one would help me but I’m none of that. All I do is (or did) was work, take care of my boys, & occasionally go to the gym…..that’s it. So I kinda maybe feel a tad of what a convict would feel ya know, not being able to get anyone to help them simply because of how they look at them. I’m looked at how I am due to rumors though, fake personal opinions of others I apparently intimidate.

Oh well, back to google to search for ways to help my damn self, been doing this for over a week now with no luck.

gofundme link: https://www.gofundme.com/raising-funds-for-myself

Lori

P.S. If you don’t like gofundme, here’s my address: PO Box 47 Resaca, Ga. 30735

Thanks

 

 

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