April 19, 2018

Trusting People Is Obsolete For Me

People’s word don’t mean anything anymore, whether it’s someone I’ve known for awhile or have just met. No I shouldn’t ever put my trust in someone’s word, but sometimes when that’s basically your only route, you kinda can’t help but to lean on it. There is a lot of situations that would’ve been 100x’s better for me if people would simply do what they promise me they’ll do. That’s the biggest reason I don’t believe anything that comes out of anyone’s mouth anymore.

People talk way more than they’ll do for you. I hate that. Lies are the reason I prefer to just stick with myself & not deal with people. I’d rather put all my trust in myself than to give anyone a drop of trust because so far everyone has let me down.

It’ll probably take one hell of a man, a very strong man to ever win me over again. Almost all of them that I’ve encountered have let me down, lied to me, cheated me, left me…..so I don’t really care for none of them.

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I will still continue to smile & keep pushing!

Why are there so many cruel people? I just don’t get it.

If you can’t actually do or help or whatever for someone, then why tell them lies just to make yourself look good?

I got a message the other day from a guy that couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t date him. Why would I??? I mean come on, everyone has read my posts or sees my social posts about how in the last 6 months I’ve been nothing but done wrong by assholes. Every mans reply is ‘well you haven’t dated me’, or ‘let me show you how a real man can be’. Oh Please! I’ve had enough of men & friends fucking me over, I’m done. I can’t trust no one so I don’t invite or accept invites for people to enter my life….anymore.

*It took one friend to ruin all friendships with others because she is a whore, & didn’t like competition. Made me look like a fool & others believed the hoe over me. One friend that made me withdraw myself from everyone. Chanted how much I was loved, they’re gone.

*It took one man to devastate me & ruin any other relationship in the future for me, one man. One man that showed me just how heartless a man can be to me. Promised to always be there for me & with me even until we were old in nursing homes, he’s gone.

*New people I’ve known less than a month or two have already shown me lies & have let me down.

So why in the hell would anyone get upset with me or blame me for not trusting them? For not wanting anything to do with them?

I’ve been shown & went through some pretty hard lessons lately that I really don’t care to go through again. I’m tired of looking like the bad guy & made out to be some horrible monster when the truth is that they’re the monsters. People that do you wrong will do whatever it takes to make themselves look good. I already know, I don’t need proof that I’m made out to be some crazy person to the ex friends & ex whatever he was because they have to keep others from knowing just how cruel they actually were to me, they can’t have that. They have to redirect the embarrassment & blame towards someone else on just how cold hearted & cruel they actually are as a person. Truths come out eventually & karma don’t forget a name.

Yes I’m aggravated this morning, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the situation I am in if I hadn’t yet put a tad of trust in someone other than myself. My problems are my problems yes, but when someone tells me they’re gonna help me then don’t…..well that causes me to shut out more people. It causes me to not even want outside help period because something in return is almost always expected & I’m not talking about money.

My youngest son who had the stroke knows my situation & even though I’ve told him I’ll figure it out somehow has offered to help me? He’s still in the rehab hospital people!!! What does that say about everyone else???? He has tried to figure out a way for me to have a ride from being in there while others out here just turn their heads. Like I said no one has to help but don’t tell me you will…..then don’t do nothing at all!

I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone again, I really don’t. If someone tells me the weather I will literally look it up myself because I don’t believe them. I think I will stop all conversations from now on through messages & such unless it’s my boys & girlfriends from high school.

I was thinking the other day, every single person that caused me so much pain is the same ones I opened up to simply because I was bored at work. And if I didn’t know them I wouldn’t of accepted a friend request from some strange man who ended up destroying me as well. It’s MY fault it all happened to me, I should have remained the ‘keep to myself girl’ & all would be better. I’m more angry with myself I believe for allowing such nonsense to enter my life, I knew better. I suppose I need to start with forgiving myself for what I’ve allowed to happen to me, to damn near destroying me.

It really hurts that some people look at me the way they do. Those above I mentioned, were quick to get me out of their life because of how they treated me, they know I’m innocent but will never speak it. Others are from churches or ex family members that have made opinions of me simply because I divorced my ex husband. I am accused of being a low life, a meth head, a whore.

It sucks to be standing in my shoes with all the darts that are being thrown at me with knowing I’m completely innocent. But at the same time I also think it sucks for them because some of them will never get to truly know me & others will never get the chance to even speak to me again. I don’t have to get on here & convince anyone I’m a great person, those that do know me know I’m not even close to anything I’ve been accused of. I’m just venting it out because I once again sit here with no one to confide in, no one to trust.

The evilness in me wants to get even & I could seriously fuck some shit up for a few people but that’s not me (although I just can’t delete the evidence I have). I like sitting back & watching them fold on their own. I don’t laugh at anyone, but they’ll get what’s coming to them & it’ll be worse than what they’ve done to me.

I get aggravated but I still don’t allow it to overtake me to the point I’m all depressed again. They or stuff ain’t worth it.

Well I’m off to work on fixing my mess a little more, have a good day.

Lori

 

 

 

 

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