March 31, 2018

It's Not About You

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I may have strayed off from God for a bit. Doesn’t mean I’m not with him today. My sons, my struggles, my blah blah junk I went through all have guided me back to him. But where I stand is no ones business & doesn’t mean I’m a sinner because I won’t attend a church. A church is inside of basically 4 walls, I have church in my room or in my truck, both have 4 sides but that’s not the point. The point is, is that I don’t want nor need to be around people that I know for a fact are flat out crazy with their thinking & beliefs. Yes I know I can control it & ignore it but I choose to be around people that ain’t fake to my face then dog me behind my back. That’s the type of christians that’s out there today.

You cannot reason with delusional people……only God can turn them from their crazy ways.
Things that happen to us are not always about us. Some people want praise for themselves when something happens to a loved one & I have witnessed it & it made me sick to my stomach & I became very angry. So angry I had to take a step back & let God handle it & He did. Whether anything is being done out of spite by these people or not the point is, is that now what I was angry over & prayed about is now being done for my son. That’s all that matters. Sometimes people need a wake up call whether they want it or not. You think I wanted to hear mine?….Nope, sure didn’t but I needed to & my life is soooo much better now. I wasn’t a thief or a druggy or anything like that. I fell in love with a married man & that by itself almost destroyed me. I tried to do way to much by myself & for myself only. I wouldn’t listen to anyone mainly God, I ran from him beginning after my divorce. I am now the Godly woman again I used to be. It is an awesome part of my life. My new rebirth happened on my late mothers birthday…..how beautiful is that?!?!?!!! She was an amazing person & my best friend, I love & miss her everyday!
It also makes me sick to my stomach at how mean & unchristian like christians are today. Just throw scripture around at others & use God to cover up their faults instead of accepting the truth about themselves. I have no intentions of going back to a church on a regular basis unless my son preaches a lot or preaches full time. I know my son is with God & he’s about the only one I’ll listen too other than God.
I cannot wait to hear him preach!!!!!!!!
The trauma that he has been through & still going through has shown me a lot. Shown me who’s real or not & there’s more fake going on than I thought. Hopefully my son can preach through to these people & show them that it’s perfectly acceptable to accept you have faults & that they’re wrong about how they’ve been treating people & using God to cover up their guilt. There is many that I’ve seen & met between 3 different churches & just random people along my path.
More need to hit the alter than they realize……we all do.
My son has been called a drug user just like I have & neither of us use drugs. We’ve both been called sorry as hell but we’re not & by the same exact people that will tell us to our faces that they love us…….You talk about some good testimonies especially his!!!!
Things that happen ain’t always about YOU…..
My son is doing great by the way! He had a small surgery today to have his feeding tube moved to his stomach instead of through his nose which was so painful for him with it being in his nose. He is being transferred Monday evening or Tuesday morning to a rehab facility in Chattanooga, Tn where he will spend 2 weeks doing therapy, not far from the hospital he’s in. He told me as soon as they teach him how to walk/run he’s taking off & going home lol. He’s such a trooper & so strong! He inspires me so much everyday that I started a new blog called ‘Where you at?’. The name comes from messages, he randomly will ask me that lol. And since he’s been in the hospital he hasn’t been texting me of course & I miss it bad. But the blog is intended to be about anything that is peaceful, testimonies, just good stuff. No profanity or sexual junk whatsoever.
Being in SELF destroys you & everything about you…..
I tell ya I’ve had some battles for the last 4-5 months now that have about killed me. I’m still standing somehow but I am tired & weak. My boys are worth every bit of my time & energy plus I work my butt off for them as well, I don’t view it as just for me anymore. They’re the ones that are my world & I will break my back working to help them in any way I can whether through finances or emotional support.
I can’t wait til my son gets back home & is back in charge of his family & life & home. Feels like craziness, no need for details, God knows all about it.
Weak minded people, delusional people, crazy people lol & so on have about drove me nuts. I had to give it all to God because there is nothing & I mean nothing you can say to people like them to help them or reason with them at alllllllll. When people have mental issues [bi-polar,etc] or are being brainwashed with hogwash it’s hard to get through to them. Just have to stop & let God do it. No need for gossip, I’m trying to just do facts not my opinion because that’s just like gossip & I hate it.
I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I did get a website for this blog. I haven’t had a lot of time to work on it. It ain’t as easy as they say neither…they lied to me haha. It is rather difficult which is why it took me so long to start one because I already knew it was gonna be a pain. I wish I had a techy buddy to help me out because at the rate I’m going it may be even longer before I get to where I want to be & I’m tired of waiting. I’ve read everything that’s free on the web to find help but none of it still explains the little details here & there I cross uggghhh.
I can honestly say that I’m glad I’m back to where I’m supposed to be with the Lord. I’m not sure how that is going to affect some of my writings at the moment though. I’m so good at writing sexy stories, I may still can but I will have to work harder at making them more appropriately steamy rather than so dang trashy like. And more of couple stories than just a bunch of single sluts lol. I don’t know, we’ll see lol.
I’m working on getting another ride because I gave my beloved truck to my son who had the stroke. It’s a material gift to him that gave him something good to think about while laying in the hospital. He’s already made plans on what he’s adding to it & stuff. I love that truck but I love him more! It’s just a little something to give him to fight harder to conquer rehab, I know life in general & his family are more than enough to fight for but sometimes the little things can add a little extra nudge. He loves trucks as much as I do & has wanted mine for so long, begged me all the time……..now it’s his, the truck is paid for & I will sign the title over when he gets home. It ain’t about me though so don’t go there lol, it’s all about him & how happy it made him.
My older son is doing great as well! He has been put on new medicine which has been in transition for a few weeks now & in the morning he will be fully switched to the new meds only. I thank God he hasn’t had anymore seizures & I pray he never does again. His last one was pretty bad & scary. He also had brain surgery at the age of 4 & at 15 he began having seizures. He had just got his driving permit & me & him was out on a teaching drive, I also was homeschooling him so drivers ed was a new fun class for him which was ripped away almost instantly. He hasn’t drove since & he’s now 22. We switched seats after getting lunch at McDonald’s, when we pulled up in the driveway at home he had one. I freaked out!!!! I panicked!!!! After an MRI was done we found out that the he had more AVM’s on his brain like the one they removed when he was 4. He was put on meds & has had tons of testing done & sees a neurologist on a regular basis now. He is a big ole sweety too. Both of my boys are sweethearts!! I’m so very happy God made me their mother! I have some surprises I’m going to do for him but I can’t tell ya because he may get on here & read it haha.
I know this a long post but I had a nap earlier & I’m wide awake lol!
I’m going up to the hospital in the morning to see my younger son. I’ve been off work all weekend, well I haven’t worked a lot since he had that stroke because I had to be near him & be there for him. But I go back to work tomorrow full force for my boys plus I need another ride very quick like! My son will be in rehab for 2 weeks so I have 2 weeks to get another ride, detail the truck & put it in his driveway so its sitting there when he comes home. He hasn’t been home since the early morning hours of the 20th of March.
Okay so I’m gonna head over & write in the new blog now. I found some quotes & things I wanna share in it.
Have a great night & great day tomorrow!
Love, Lori

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