March 30, 2018

Waking Up In Tn

I woke up & jumped up to check on my son just like I used to when he was little. He’s 6’7, he’s hardly little but it don’t matter to me…..He’s still my little boy.
He no longer has as many tubes everywhere & they took his bandages off of his head. He has a swallow test again today & he’s hoping to pass it because he wants to eat so bad & to have a mountain dew. It’s been 10 days since he ate food & it was 9 days of nothing to drink but he was able to swallow water yesterday so he drank a good bit. He did get moved to a private room & he loves it, well I don’t know about loves it but he’s glad to have the privacy.
I’m really not sure at the moment when he will leave the hospital & start his rehab but he was telling me all about it last night….Talking….That’s what we’re good at, me & Brent can talk about 50 different topics inside an hour & never skip a beat. I missed it & we got to talk some for almost an hour when I first got here after work but he gets tired quick so I ended the convo & he went right off to sleep. I stared at him watching him sleep until I fell asleep.
I dream of him a lot lately in his before all this happened state. I pray hard everyday that he makes a full recovery. I love my boys so much & wouldn’t trade them for nothing!
Both of my sons have now had brain surgery. I don’t think its fair for any parent to see their child go through anything horrible like that. I’ve done it twice. It’s heartbreaking, it’s just very heartbreaking. I could never explain how this feels but to me it’s devasting. I feel alone & helpless as their mother. Sometimes I wonder if God is punishing me but other times I believe my boys make such an impact on people that this isn’t about me, it’s about their testimonies. They have big hearts & their walk with God is amazing. God knows what he’s doing even if I myself as a mom freaks out about every little thing anymore.
In a little while I have to leave the hospital & get back before my oldest son wakes up, he has to be watched in case he has a seizure. I hate leaving either one of them, drives me insane.
Both of my sons who are grown men now are men in others eyes but in my eyes they’ll always my babies.
Lori

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