March 24, 2018

Screaming On The Inside, A Mothers Love Is Strong & True.

Staring at the flashing cursor with no idea what to write. I am at a loss for words & have been for days. All the posts I wrote about crooked friends & the ex-boyfriend, the job, the bills, the eviction, etc. All that pain I thought was the worst feeling ever is in fact not the worst. In fact all of them & the other junk are meaningless to me now, they do not register with what I am feeling at this moment. I actually feel stupid for even allowing myself to be filled with pain because of such cruel people who caused me to feel insignificant.
My boys

This pain I am enduring right now is because of my kids. My 22 year old son, Cory had brain surgery at 4 years old & at 15 years old he started having seizures & has been on medication ever since. He has had some horrible seizures lately, worse than they ever have been. His last one his dad watched him fall from a standing position & fell face first into a wall. He’s now being put on a new pill & closely watched by me & his dad Adam. My 19 year old son, Brent who has never had any problems at all is now in ICU. Monday the 19th of March he has what they’re calling a cavernoma. Blood vessels that bled on his brain. His wife came home from work & things didn’t seem quite right, later in the night my son ended up at the local emergency room. After tests were done, they sent him to a hospital called Erlanger which is in Chattanooga, Tn. He’s still there, weak, slurred speech, weak on right side of body, & is on a feeding tube. At first they said the bleeding had stopped & no surgery was needed but after doing another CT scan this morning, they said there was more blood & surgery is scheduled for this coming Monday. The surgery will involve operating on his brain stem, that’s where the problem is. It is a high risk surgery. I think all of Georgia, Kentucky, & Indiana is praying for my child.
Me & my boys, Brent is in the hat & Cory is in the green shirt ( going by the first top 2 pics)
I’m not the typical mother, I’m very close with my boys. They’re my best friends. They’re 2 of the most generous & caring young people I’ve ever seen. I’m very proud of them & very proud to be their mother. I love them so very dearly!
I’ve not been able to work much or eat or sleep or anything. I left work early today & sat down & pushed myself to write. But on my way home I stopped by my youngest sons house & sat there on his porch crying & missing him. Looking at his mustang he wants to fix up & I lost it completely, screaming at the top of my lungs with so much pain I can’t hardly handle it. I miss him blowing up my phone wanting to know ‘where I’m at’ or if I’m off work yet to go to walmart at 2am just to walk around. My phone is silent.
This is Brent’s mustang & both our trucks…go Dodge!
Mines the gold one, his is the best though
My chest literally physically hurts like someone punched me over & over. These 2 human beings are my babies. MY BABIES. My youngest, Brent who’s having the brain surgery has a newborn who was born at the end of December, Aiden is almost 3 months old. He’s also newly married too. They just started their life journey & little family together & now have been faced with this…All of us has.

I feel so helpless.
I closely pay attention to what I pray for because if you pray for strength or patience, you most likely will have to go through some junk to learn. I did not pray for either & with everything my strength has been put to the test. It’s like I’m supposed to climb a straight up mountain with slime on it. It’s so hard to deal with & to be strong for your kids when you just want to break down. It’s very hard for me to breathe or enjoy anything. I can’t be happy knowing what my kids are going through, I won’t do that. I will stand right beside them through it all like I always have. I hope & pray with everything in me that God works miracles on my boys.
My kids need your prayer………….
This is his gofundme link if anyone can help /

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