March 15, 2018

Good Morning

Well it’s morning alright lol. I’m sitting here trying to wake up but it’s a slow process this morning.
I reread posts that I wrote about my ex because I was told they sounded mean…um no they don’t. Everything I’ve said is truth from my perspective & signs & proof. The things I said, the way I reacted are nothing but signs that I cared, loved, & was hurt. If I didn’t act out then that would’ve meant I didn’t have feelings. I’m not psycho, I’m not crazy, I’m not overreacting, I’m not mean because I’m hurting, sorry but the non innocent ones always say you’re crazy because they’re not reacting….They’re not reacting because they don’t care/love you & never did. I do not apologize because there’s nothing for me to apologize for. I was the one who got screwed over, not him. The ‘real‘ good people always get the raw end of the deal in the beginning, others will receive their deal later. That’s just how it works.
Anyway enough of that. Enough of trying to prove myself because there ain’t nothing I have to prove, I’m innocent & I was heartbroken…period. Once the hurt stops, I’m done…for good…gone.
The faithful one needs time to heal while the other one was already in another relationship.
Last night at work I realized it has been weeks since I exercised or tanned or anything. So after work I stopped by the gym to tan. And this morning I’m going to start back exercising & I guess I’ll have to do the gym thing after work. It’s really the only spare time I have anymore. Taking care of yourself & looking great makes You feel better & I need all the better I can get.
Also I noticed I have no real patience for stupidity & no filter for my mouth, hahaha. It’s gonna get my ass kicked one of these days! Oh well…bring it baby hehe.
I’m in a mood y’all where I feel like I’m invisible, weird I know but I’m serious. I go about my day but it’s like I’m not noticed anymore. I have withdrew from people because of obvious reasons but I don’t know its just a weird feeling. I know most people have a bunch of friends but I don’t & that’s my choice because…fk that being screwed over. I think I’m really walking alone now. I was after it & here it is lol. Now just to figure out what to do with it, hmm.
Wow ya know my life is crazy lol. Just sitting here writing this & thinking about everything & everyone I’ve encountered. I will get through this & succeed but sometimes I look at what I have survived like…damn! There are days when I don’t know if I should hide or climb, I choose climbing of course lol.
I’m not gonna lie, some days it looks like I’m not gonna make it nor have the strength to fight that day. But I do anyway & so should you.
I wonder sometimes what some people really think of me & then I’m afraid to know lol. I don’t let how anyone feels rule me but I just wonder. I know my ex & probably ex friends think I’m crazy & that’s fine. The ones that don’t react are the ones that never cared to start with. The ones that sit in silence & watch you are just your fans….dont sweat it haha! BUT lol I’m not crazy, just lil ole Lori here trying to survive…alone.
Well I’ve wrote nothing but random thoughts here so I’m gonna hush & go exercise now. Gotta get back at it! Have a great day!
Lori

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