March 13, 2018

What do you really want? Need?

I’ve wrote similar posts about this.
What-Do-You-Really-Want???
I mean what do any of us really want? Have you ever just sat down & really gave some thoughts about it? As far as I know & as far back as I can read about people, it has always been the same… Get of age, start working, get married, have a family, die. We all live the same basic ways. Is there anything out there out of the norm that you or I want or need? Sure there is but few do anything about it.
One of my needs right now is something no one I’ve ever known except one knows what that is. It’s a need that can’t be fulfilled by just anyone. ~I have tasted it & I want it.~ I could write a book here but few would somewhat understand what I would be trying to say. So I’m not.
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror & really studied yourself? I have, it scared me. Scared me because of the things I want & desire from this life. Scared of what I’m capable of…on a never going after anything capability… now that I’m fully capable & willing. Confused? I don’t blame you for being confused. It’s very difficult to write what I sense & feel in a way you’d understand. I wish someone understood me, I really do.
Have you ever laid in the grass & watched the clouds? Just laying there ignoring the world & becoming lost in the moment of beauty & peace? Well that’s me all the time especially when I write. Nowadays I tend to look at things a whole lot deeper than I used to.
I’ve had people look at me like I’m completely crazy because I see & feel things they don’t ever give a thought to or about.
Sometimes like today I feel like I don’t know what I want when I’m all upset & confused about people or situations. I’ve been hurt so deeply by a man that I’m not sure if I’ll ever overcome it.
And that is something I think about but I’m absolutely terrified of….a man. I sit & dream of having a man that I’m attracted to, that would love me, & would never pay attention to another woman. I mean not even have them on his social media. A man that would please me in the ways I need him to. Someone that would understand & love everything about me instead of ridiculing me & trying to change me into someone I’m not. After what I’ve been through, I’m not sure he exists. No one understands me truly & that really hurts.
When I write whether its a fiction sex story or its just me rambling about my problems, it helps me to escape. To escape the pain & craziness that goes on in my life. I feel really trapped right now with current situations. I have to write. I’m thankful I came across blogging & with WordPress. Soon I’ll have my own site & app to bring together my blog, vlog, & facebook page. All are intertwined with me, Life With Lori.
I don’t have anyone that believes in me or is cheering me on, or standing behind/beside me for support. I’m solely & completely on my own with my life & Life With Lori. So when you see me blow up or get quite, bare with me, I’ll be back. Social media is the thing these days & I strive for Life With Lori to become huge.
I want to be important to someone, to matter other than to my kids which is wonderful but I no longer have anyone not my blood at all especially a man. It gets kinda lonely.
I’m nothing special at all. I don’t have a college degree nor am I rich. I deliver pizzas for a living right now. I currently don’t even have my own place & I lost teeth on the bottom which makes me feel so ugly. I just like to write, vlog & be myself & I want someone to share that with me that truly enjoys me for me & loves me.
Music is another place I escape to, not hear but escape. I literally have to have music or I go crazy lol.
Of course a lot of wants involve money which I do not have like getting my teeth fixed or getting another ride. Helping my sons out. But in time it’ll all work out I hope.
Even when you’re your own cheerleader & hero, you must keep going!
Lori

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