March 13, 2018

Fake?

I cannot help myself today. I’ve deleted 2 posts already, I’m keeping this one. I am just sick at my stomach because another woman is gonna end up hurt. I’m sorry but it’s the damn truth. She doesn’t know, she just doesn’t know. It’s the charm talking & she fell for it just like everyone else has. Friend or not, it’s wrong. Yea I am the ex girlfriend…well not really, I was just a side piece for him, I was nothing important to him. I wasn’t even good enough that he would spend time with me other than the amount of time it took to have sex with me then vroom out my door he ran. It’s all fake. When the new wears off he will have another chick on the side if he ain’t already. To hear him talk, he says I was acting crazy & making false accusations, hahaha, nope I was dead on it!
I’m still very pissed off at myself for ever meeting him. I was warned he was just a male whore in the beginning. Turns out well…. It really sucks for me because I was very into him & fell in love with him & wanted only him for the rest of my life. But now that I can see a little clearer, I was NOTHING to him. He cheated a lot of women including myself & I’m sorry cheaters never change. They may behave for a bit but that’s all. I’m worth so much more than the treatment I received from him. He’s not a good guy, maybe to customers & other men but not to women. I almost gave him my entire self, almost. I held back quite a bit because I was leary of him. He seemed quite shady on a lot of different instances. I’m glad I did hold back. He doesn’t deserve me or anything about me. I’m glad he never experienced the real me, he thinks he did but he didn’t. He calls himself my friend but barely contacts me, yea right.
I have a lot of shit going on in my life but this is one of the most horrible things that’s ever happened to me. I wasted 16 months of my life for him & for what? To be used until he found another? How cold can someone be? That’s the most cold hearted shit I’ve ever encountered in my life. He held onto me until he found her & until he knew he wanted to be with her. It kills me I swear, I may never be able to forget about this let along forgive. He broke my heart & destroyed me & all I got was “But I have real feelings for her”….wtf? Wtf was I??? Oh I know, his side piece, not even thought of as a person or as a human. The way he treated me & his wife & other women will come back on him & I don’t feel sorry one damn bit. He deserves his karma. My life has been ripped apart because of him. I’ve never felt so used by someone as I do by him & he used the fuck outta me.
Like I said, I feel sorry for this girl or any others. Men that can’t keep their eyes on one ain’t worth a damn. (If they’re liking other girls pics, their interested, they ain’t his friends honey, that’s side pieces or he wants them, eye candy).
I’m sick to death with this pain, I hate myself for still having feelings because I’d never let him near me again. Men like him ain’t worth nothing & never will be. That charm will convince any woman into thinking he loves her so he can get what he wants. Keeping a wife just keeps them from being alone…period. I wonder if she knows about the chicks that’s still on his friends list yet, probably not, she was only worried about me but I’m not her enemy….he is.
After enduring the pain that I have because of him, I don’t quite give two fucks what he or anyone thinks anymore. I did not deserve to lay there for weeks up to a month in such pain that I wanted to die…literally die. I tried to run myself off in a ditch because it hurts so bad. Would he care? Nope! That’s why I didn’t continue to end my life…..he ain’t worth it. The pain is intense, he will never understand just how much I hurt nor will he ever give a damn about me because I was never important to him. He just wanted laid when he was near my town. I now don’t want a relationship with anyone. It makes me sick to even consider it, it ain’t happening. Because of him….I will never trust.
I woke up this morning with him on my mind for some reason & I’ve been pissed off all day because of it. I’m going to keep this post & publish it. If what I felt or what I thought we could’ve been was nothing then most of my posts wouldn’t exist. If I was on drugs or I was a whore, there wouldn’t be any posts wrote. I’m a good damn person & I didn’t deserve any of it. I used to want a real man but now I don’t want nothing, nothing at all. I just don’t care really. F’k it.
Lori

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