March 9, 2018

Realize Your Own Strength!

Good morning! And yet again it’s a very cold Georgia morning again…mere’ summer geez lol.
I stare at my summer clothes wishing I could wear them then boom we get a freeze warning, ugh.
For some reason life thinks hey, she ain’t strong enough yet, watch this…. I had a rough night last night. It was like everything came down on me like it used to & I sat on the cold garage floor & just cried it out. (I have to smoke outside lol).
I do still feel alone in my battles. I choose to keep people at a distance & for a very good reason…my heart. I hardly speak & if I do I don’t respond back right away, I ponder on it for awhile. Crazy? Sorry, but that’s just how its gonna be.
It seems like every time I conquer one thing, two more pop into my life. Right now it’s going on a week I’ve had no ride. I’m pissed the hell off over that & on the verge of losing my job because I can’t get there, I’m not even sure if I have a job to be honest. I’ll have to call & make sure. All my truck needed was a fuel pump replacement. It was dropped off last friday! I’m pissed! If I don’t get it today, someone is getting their ass beat!
Okay venting over lol.
My older son that I mentioned before that needs prayer has been having more seizures than normal & they’ve been worse. Me & his dad are the only ones there is to take care of him. We have no outside help, no friends or family members that can help. And we can’t afford to hire anyone to come in to help that is a nurse right now. Govt refuses him a check(long story). He has to have round the clock watch on him. He lives with my ex husband-his dad. And we decided the best thing for our son at this time is that I move in. His dad works first shift & I work second shift so it works out. Is it awkward?..Yea it is. I feel out of place. I’m angry at the situation not at my son. It’s not normal for ex’s to be roommates so to speak but my son is far more important than myself. Until another solution is figured out this is all we can do right now. Ex husband is being polite & tries to give me space. He knows I’m all messed up with the situation as it is but he’s being respectful & tries to help me. But my sons….I’d do anything for them to better them & their lives.
So you see I don’t live the perfect life either. I have daily battles. But I have to keep pushing regardless.

All the work & pushing myself to get books published & get my YouTube channel noticed is not just for me. I’m doing it for my sons. They need me. I cry & worry about them all the time. I do what I can now & I’m fighting to do even more in the near future. My older son cannot work at a normal job so not only am I fighting for my dream job, I’m also arranging a job for him with me so that he can have that experience & receive an actual paycheck. He wants it so bad. Talks about it all the time, he inspires me with how bad he’d like to just simply have a job. And no money ain’t everything but it takes a hell of a lot of money for my son that has seizures to get the best doctors & treatments. I will not stop, I will not give up. Plus it’s my dream as well. Benefits everyone all in one so why not?
I do feel tired at times to the point I just want to crawl under a rock & hide for awhile. But I cannot do that. I should’ve already had this conquered but I don’t. I sat down & let life overtake me. Allowed depression to rule over me. Allowed people & things to destroy me. But not anymore, never will I allow a single person or thing to stand in my way again. I will make it all the way to the top simply because I know I can & I believe in myself even if no one else does.
Do you realize I’ve already had a bunch of negativity thrown my way? Rude ass comments & messages sent to me? People that has tried to bring me down? I don’t talk much about them because they’re irrelevant to me. They’re not helping me stay strong, y’all are! I only stay with the positive. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you’re trying to do, there will always be someone who will try to pull you back down. In my mind they are the ones who are too damn lazy to do anything for themselves & they can see that there’s a possibility you’re gonna make it. Ignore that shit!
My strength comes from above. My strength comes from never giving up no matter how many times I got knocked down. My desire is stronger than my weaknesses.

Everyone that use to know me doesn’t know me today. I changed. Pain changes you.
Battling with the loss of those I miss is a daily fight. It hurts so fucking bad! It’s not fair, its not right but I can’t allow it to bring me down anymore. They’re gone, their choices. There’s nothing I can do to change it except to let them go as they wish.
I read something that Jim Carry had wrote about his life awhile back. It inspired me greatly. I always think about it. He was always poor & had a dream as well. The one thing that stands out that he said was….He made it to the Hollywood sign & stood there looking at it, wrote a million dollar check & said to himself he will make it. He carried that check in his wallet for years out of faith….& finally cashed it. Look at him now….
You can’t give up on yourself, your family, your dreams or on anything. Fight dammit!!! We only live once…..
Oh & by the way. Life With Lori is not only just this blog as some of you know, it includes my YouTube channel as well. AND I’m getting an app for Life With Lori! I’m just tickled to death about it! Idk how act haha…
Have a great day & fight!
Love, Lori

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