March 7, 2018

I Took It Down

I took my love, I took it down…..Fleetwood Mac

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Sooooo…I’m sitting here in my robe because I cannot get warm today. And of course looking all nerdy haha! I gotta write though. 💜

I was listening to Fleetwood Mac & I can relate to her so much! I love that woman. Her song landslide fits me well right now. I really have took my love & put it away for my own sake. I have in fact climbed a mountain of pain & I saw the reflection of who I use to be & I went after her, fell in love with her again…truly & madly. It will be extremely difficult for anyone to be with me, I’m very picky now. Why wouldn’t I be ya know? I’m glad I am.

I may not be exact on her words but that’s how they stood out for me.

What is Love? It’s what I felt for a very short amount of time. I couldn’t get close enough. I couldn’t get enough. I never dreamt it would end like it did. Hell I never dreamt it would end. But it did, for me anyway. It ruined my outlook on anything in the future except loving myself. I am very important & I now realize that.

It took many many days & nights of not being able to get out of bed due to the pain I felt. It still affects me. It overtook me. It took my breath away. Falling to my knees at any given moment in my house when the pain struck, landing in the floor, pounding the floor with clinched fists while screaming ‘not’ crying screaming at the top of my lungs with pain over & over ‘please don’t leave me’ until I lost my voice. I’ve never endured that kind of pain in my life & I personally never want to feel it again. I looked like the pic below for months. I took the pic one morning after I made myself shower & put on makeup, I added filters, I love messing with those.

I still carry that look but I’m a whole lot better today, not perfect but much better. The weight of the pain I carry is only on me. Only I loved, alone. He will never know how much love this heart had/has. It doesn’t matter anyways.

I write about it quite often because it has impacted my life, devastated me, changed me. BUT one good thing came from it, I found ME.

I have no intentions of being in love again anytime soon. That’s Why I Took It Down….🥀….My Love. It’s no longer available. To me, love hurts.

This woman will in fact survive. 💜💔💜

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Love, Lori

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