February 28, 2018

My Brand New Life

Good morning to all of you. It’s just nasty raining here in Georgia. But hey it’s another day I’m alive & managed to get up right?
It’s been a week since I’ve wrote or did a video for my YouTube channel. I literally haven’t been able to do so nor hardly speak to anyone. I’m not trying to be an asshole but for me personally I have withdrew from attempting any kind of relationship with anyone. It’s better for me to just be by myself. I can’t handle one more relationship of any kind turning out like the ones I’ve walked away from. It’s my life, my heart, my feelings, etc, & I care enough about myself to keep to myself.
My ex has changed me. Changed me to a point that I don’t even want another bf or anything. I considered him my boyfriend but I now know what he considered of me & that’s ‘his convenient pussy’ on that side of town… I wasn’t the only one, for I wasn’t the only one he blocked on his fb that he was fucking recently. He did that because he has a new girl he’s trying to marry. I feel so bad for her. He lied, he cheated, he hardly spent time with me, he broke up with me in the worst way ever, blocked me after telling me he would be my friend & be there for me….. another damn lie from him. Like I said I feel bad for the new chick because men like him that can’t keep their eyes & dick to their selves never change. He even sexted me recently behind her back already….pathetic! Not to mention even when he was slanging charm & the D her way, he was still crawling into my bed. Now you know. They get bored quick. But of course hardly anyone that knows him knows of the truth & how much of a whore he actually is. He will destroy her as well in time. In my eyes he doesn’t deserve anyone at all. He knew & knows how I felt regardless of his denying & still continued to rip me into pieces.
I never want to see his sorry cheating ass ever again. He will never have another chance at treating me like shit. He doesn’t & didn’t deserve all the loving he received from me, I wasted my time & energy. I don’t even find his sex appealing anymore, I don’t even think of it because he’s good for a reason……. He’s had plenty of practice. Any new girl will fall for that fake ass charm just like I did.
Losing him is the best thing that could’ve happened to me regardless of how I feel about him. He’s unhealthy for me. I can see that now. And I can also look & think back & point out lies & cheating all over the place now that the blinding film is off my heart. Read the f’boy post I wrote, it fits him to a ‘T’. There are many posts about him, he’s referred to as my guy in a lot of them. You can read them & see where he had me on a rollar coaster with my feelings. I loved him wholeheartedly but it is fading, he is fading. I fell in love with a fake person. The person he was around me but not who he actually was. I’m glad I don’t see his shit on my Facebook wall anymore because it’s all fake. Everyone thinks he’s such an awesome guy but I know better & I’m sure there’s other women that know as well. What comes around goes around.
~My brand new life has begun. It’s 100% all about me. As I go on with my life & create new adventures, I will write & vlog about it. I’m not too far away from my dream coming true & I can’t wait. I have fought hard for it all while dealing with him & other shit in my life. I do not have any close friends anymore & I intend on it staying that way for awhile. I’m getting in shape & getting my summer tan started. I have to make myself though but I refuse to lie down & die because of him… HE AIN’T WORTH IT!!!
My new life started because I refuse to accept the pain & depression to overtake my life. No one is worth me being in that state.
I’ve actually been viewing & getting to know myself a lot. I have many talents, I work hard, I care for others, I love having fun, etc., & I love passionately, I’m worth far more than what I received.
I have been talked about, made fun of, took advantage of, used like hell by everyone. Looked at like I’m worthless by all. But I know me & I will not try to convince anyone I’m worth it all. If they can’t see it they can fuck off basically lol. I walk completely alone for the first time in my life & I’m actually enjoying the shit out of it. My sex drive is high but I can contain it. I don’t need anyone.
Honestly I don’t even want to talk about him anymore. He doesn’t even deserve to be trashed talked about. Fuck him.
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Anyway, I’m currently working on a children’s book (I know.. laugh, Lori writing a kids book hahaha), but I wrote it years ago & it’s been on the shelf at Amazon. I took it down to improve it & add a bit more to it now that I write much better than I did then. It’s called Angel & Max. That’s two dogs I had at the time I wrote it whom I loved dearly. I applied their goofy attitudes in the book lol. Oh & I love writing about anything not just sex lol…..even though that’s fun!
I’m not sure of details about my future but I can guarantee you there will not be a whore in the future. I watch everyone like hawk now. I won’t even speak to people at work without some investigation. Sorry but my heart has been destroyed & I owe myself everything to keep away from useless, douchbags from now on.
Okay so my favorite dog ever is a boxer. I decided I’m gonna get me a male boxer to travel with me everywhere I go. For one, protection & two, they are an awesome buddy to you. I’m so excited dammit!……….. Lol.
My truck is still broke down which is driving me insane I tell ya. That’s my slut with all her miles but she’s my slut & I miss her badly lol.
My grandson is getting bigger & smiles all the time. He’s so beautiful! He saved me. He was born during my horrible breakup & him being born & coming into my life kept me from dying. One day I will tell him about what a miracle he is for his mammaw. I can’t wait til he starts talking & running around. He’s so precious!
Well even though I have good things going for me I’m still in the woods with all the pain & desertion. I fight it everyday. He’s always on my mind but not in a good way anymore, so he’s fading from me & I’m glad. He doesn’t deserve to be thought of by me. I’m such a better person than him simply because I would have never cheated on him or treated him like he did me. One day though…. I know someone will come along & appreciate what they have instead of use me & will not take a chance on losing me.
I hope y’all have a good day today. And I know now that there is a lot of you in the same boat I’m in & I feel your pain & I just know……. I’m one hell of a woman & so are you.. Men/women. Fuck them for making us feel any less than the person we are simply because they suck as a human being.
Love, Lori

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