January 24, 2018

Straight Up Truths About Me

I have removed some negative posts & decided to write this one. I have come to a decision. I have decided that I am sick & tired of being overrun by life’s nonsense. I will so help me come out of this & quickly. I refuse to settle for less on anything. I want more & I’m going to get it! I want to travel to fun cool places in the states & I’m going to. I want to have a successful blog & vlog & I’m going to, among other things. I suppose you just come to a point in your life where you’ve just had enough of everything!
I’m not out to make a bunch of new friends & damn sure ain’t looking for a man. I don’t want nor need relationship chaos right now. It’s time to take care of me & do the things I want to do & like for a change. Besides that, my heart loves someone right now, it can’t have that person but it still loves him. I do & will always love him so very much. Beyond the pain & anger I still love him & that proves its real for him because I should technically hate him right now but I don’t. I will keep whatever memories we have because they are our memories, no one else’s just ours. I will still continue to fall asleep with his beautiful face & those gorgeous eyes staring at me on my mind & dream of being held in his arms. No one can take that from me. I absolutely miss the shit out of him, you don’t understand just how much I really do. I’ve never loved like that & I’m not able to just let him go, he means to much to me to do that even tho I haven’t told him. I’ve been so angry with him. I’ve been pretty hateful with words, but he’s hurt me pretty bad. Even if its only me that feels anything I still can’t just flip a switch & turn off what I feel for him. He felt like home to me.
I know from my side, I was honest & faithful & sincere. That’s all I had to offer & that my heart wants what it wants…period. I love him with all my heart & soul. I would give him the world if allowed but he’ll stay in my heart for life.
Truths….heartfelt truths coming from me is a very difficult thing for me to do. For me to say that I am in love with him is very hard, but for me to say I’m in love with him still even though he’s with someone else is extremely hard for me. It brings tears to my eyes & my heart aches but I’m not going to lie to myself anymore about how I feel towards anyone.
Will I go on with someone else?….I have no idea at this point. But I do know I’m not rushing nothing except taking care of my business & making myself happy as hell for a change. I deserve it, I’ve been through a lot & I need a break from it all. Even if I do it all alone.

Bound & Determined!!!
Love, Lori

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