January 16, 2018

Good Morning People!

Omg! It is freezing this morning & supposed to snow today ugh…
I want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to try & help me with my heartache. I appreciate you all. And I appreciate my followers not leaving me & actually getting new followers as well, thank you so much! I love it!
This is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. Apparently the pain can be seen in my face because my ex husband messaged me with concern. Isn’t that strange? My ex husband shows concern but the one who hurt me ain’t even brave enough to seriously talk to me as to why he did me the way he did let along face me. I just get round about messages that make no sense at all, like I’m not worthy enough to know.
All I can figure is he never had any real care in the world for me or it wouldn’t have been so easy for him to walk off from me. I didn’t break up with him people. Never did him wrong, never cheated, nothing. Why do men act like that? They come across women who would do them right but choose to throw them away for sluts or temporary flings or other unhappy relationships. Are they scared? My opinion is that they should be because one day they’re going to be alone with their broke dicks & ain’t nobody gonna want them not even to sleep with anymore. Can’t have fun with a broke dick lol.
I watch people….closely. And its like I’m seeing its one of two things with my ex bf as to why he left me. (Feelings or caring for me were definitely not a reason for him to stay with me). He actually blamed me saying I was acting crazy…sorry it wasn’t anything I done. If a man acts shady what’s the first thing a woman is gonna do? She’s gonna ask questions & assume.
Someone told me he would do this to me exactly because he’s a womanizer. Should’ve listened, dammit. But that person that told me that is also a major whore, she probably had him too behind my back, wouldn’t surprise me, along with others.
I can’t express enough & I could never put it into words how powerful the pain is. If you could lay next to me at night or ride in my truck with me when I have a breakdown you may have a better understanding of how much I hurt. And all I get is ‘I’m sorry’. And that he will always care for me. Yea right. If he cared so much he wouldn’t of left or wouldn’t of left me like he did & been as cold hearted to me as he’s been since my birthday. Which by the way was the worst birthday & Christmas ever! While everyone else enjoyed the day, I laid in the floor crying my heart out…..because of him. I haven’t even seen him for a month now. I never dreamt he would ever leave me & I definitely thought he was a better man than what he’s shown me. Goes to show that pussy is above feelings. I wasn’t even worth a goodbye, just ignored, shady short ass messages, & he acted like I annoyed him & disgusted him.
He doesn’t even interact on social media with me now, just with this one chick that I’ve noticed & I wonder if she’s the one he left me for? If so…wow, real nice. Who knows though, hell I’m getting to where I don’t give a fuck. Why would I want someone I’ll never trust & someone who has a ton of female friends. How do I know that they wasn’t his flings too??? I could give him everything, a lot more than what he seen but I’d never been happy with him & I’d never trust him. Who wants a man who will stare down other women right beside you & text/message with them behind your back? He even messaged with them in my home! How sorry is that??? Nobody wants that! Like I’ve said, it happens all the time, one day it’ll come to an end for him like it has for others & he’ll be alone wishing someone was there to take care of him that made him happy. All of us women will end up being taken by men that knows what they have & won’t sacrifice losing us for some lame ass piece of pussy.
Yes I’m still angry & very hurt & idgaf if it bothers him. Destroying me doesn’t seem to phase him at all so I don’t care either! If it wasn’t another woman he would be able to tell me what was going on in his life but he won’t/can’t soooo you know it most likely is definitely another woman who gave him a little attention & he went after it. Good luck with that buddy, not everyone is going to be ‘in’ love with you or even give a damn if you’re alive, you’ll find that out. You may never cross another who will love you, just use you, you know…karma.
So anyway, I did get my book started last night. I found a new writing software I like so far. I won’t reveal the title of it until its published because its his first name.(I won’t reveal him so don’t get your hopes up). It shouldn’t take long because a ton of it is already wrote, I just have to put it all together. I will say that it will begin with when I met him. How wonderful he was to me & how great he made me feel up to completely destroying me…for what? Who knows? He leaves it for my gut to answer so that’s how it’ll end. I will be adding facts & real stuff we did & such to it that I’ve never wrote about. I don’t forget nothing. Example….the time we went in the woods at this certain place & got ate up from mosquitos…it was bad. There’s a bunch lol. Sucks that now its only a memory instead of ongoing for life. His choice, he broke up with me. He’s the one that decided he didn’t want to climb in my bed anymore or hold me up against him like he used to like doing.
I know my posts seem longer & longer lol, I’m sorry, I can’t shut up about something that cuts me to the bone, hurts my soul. Hopefully my book will start getting all the writing in it instead of here lol & I can get back to writing in my blog like normal.
Oh if you didnt notice I did write something dirty last night, its called ‘A Night Drive’. Its not my best but hey its something right lol?
Okay I’m hushing for now hahaha!
Have a great day!

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