Sometimes it’s wonderful to be able to change your life when things just ain’t working out. And sometimes it sucks when you’re forced to change. I have to say that going off the grid did me some good. I didn’t speak to no one, well anyone I knew anyway. I met new some people & they gave me an insight of myself & my life that I couldn’t see. Sometimes someone else’s perspective about you when they don’t know you personally is actually very helpful.
I was blaming everything & everyone for all the junk that’s happened to me. But now I realize its nothing but my fault. I allowed it, I made changes I shouldn’t have, did things I shouldn’t have, & allowed someone to trample, use, mislead my feelings, & break my heart that I shouldn’t have. I was hoping with all my heart for something wonderful that could never have been anyway-so stupid of me & I was shown in the blink of an eye what I meant to that person. Does it hurt? Hell yeah it does.
*I’m led to believe that the reason he don’t want me is because he’s got stuff going on his life right now & will explain it later…really? What am I a trashy hoe he thinks he can come back to? So apparently that gives him the right to cheat, dump me, treat me like shit, & I’m supposed to not be outraged?????? Wtf? I’m sorry but all I see is there is clearly nothing other than another woman he’s seeing & he’s trashed me because he’s moved onto another & I’m of no use to him, my warranty ran out I guess. I bet if I drove by on occasion to the fuck spots or had him followed (no im not crazy, just stating facts)…..it would reveal the truth that there is in fact another bitch. And because I was a little mouthy I lost him??? Please, nothing but lies…again. He only likes a certain chics pics now, guess she’s he’s new victim. If he didn’t want me outraged like this, he should’ve tried being a man & confronted me like one instead of being a pussy hiding behind his phone & hoping I would just go away. I’m not just some whore to toss aside like I don’t have feelings. Very pissed, very hurt, & treated very badly by him. I’m so pissed at myself for giving a damn about him to start with……he doesn’t/didn’t deserve it or me!!!*
I have changed because of all the troubles & pain but its for the better. But I’m also wiser. I may have more one night stands here & there, I’m sure I will, but as for a relationship…..a man will definitely without a doubt have to climb my 100ft wall to get to my heart again. I will never allow anyone to use & break my heart like that again.
All the things I want to do & try that scare the hell out of me…..I’m doing & will continue to do. I want to be happy for once even if that means no man.
I got side tracked & forgot who I was in a relationship that I wasn’t respected, cared for, or loved in. I’m not your typical boring ass chick who’s all stuck up & doesn’t want sex or fun unless its blowing your mans money. That’s not me. I’m caring, strong willed, very loving, will make you love me with my sex lol. I will get dirty & spit & cuss right along beside you working on that ole truck haha, then hug you up & kiss you. Make you forget about your problems & make you work harder & to never give up on anything. Run my fingers through your hair with your head on my lap, then throw something at you because you’re being stupid…..haha. Make that money & build that empire with you. Watch that girls ass as she walks by with you saying ‘Damn, did you see that?!’. Cuddle up to you at night like you’re my safe haven.
But so far those that have had a chance to be with me have let me go for their own selfish reasons. But I guess that’s alright. Someone else gladly appreciates it because I’m not a cheater, I’m extremely loyal & loads of fun & some occasional craziness. Not saying there’s only one of me but I am saying there’s very few of us, so have fun with ya boring bitches lol!
I have set a shit ton of posts to private & there’s still a ton more I have to go through. All of those posts where I wrote about being depressed & brokenhearted are becoming a book & I’m naming the book after the guy I fell in love with (just his first name). I don’t think even he realizes how much he impacted my life even though I now know I didn’t impact his at all.
My blog I started a little while back for pictures…’Photo journal of my life’, will be used here shortly. My new adventures in life will be posted there.
So strange how your life can change so drastically & just so completely…..just like that.
My advice is don’t do what I’ve done. Follow your gut not your heart cause its dumb lol.