January 7, 2018

Forced To Let Go

Good Morning, a phrase I miss receiving but oh well, a thing of the past now. But I mean it to y’all though…..Good Morning!!! I have to say that I appreciate every single reader, every single follower for keeping on reading even though my posts for the past little while are all sad or full of anger & hurt. I appreciate it. I want you to know that I notice & it puts a smile on my face.
Everyday is a struggle but I refuse to allow such inconsiderate & cold hearted people to have control on me, my feelings.
I didn’t even have the option to leave them, they deserted me like I wasn’t even human. Those people have damn near killed me. I am not sure if I’ll ever let another person get close to me again. I’ve been meeting new people but I keep my distance from men & women, hell I won’t even pay attention to dogs anymore lol. I’m tired of being hurt.
I was told lies & I’m assuming those lies were to save his ass so that I wouldn’t call him out on his shit or expose him to people. For one, that’s not me & I wouldn’t other than writing here but no one knows who he is. For two, lying to me saying he didn’t want us to end but tomorrow makes 3 weeks exactly since I seen him, and he’s barely even spoke to me is worse. Says I meant a lot to him & that he cares about me. Lies.
I may not be the smartest person in the world but I’m far from stupid. I was told in the beginning that this person was a bad idea to get messed up with. If someone ever tells me that about another person…so help me I will run! It’s bad though, I tried so hard to believe they were wrong but that person was right. So right. All the ladies, and they’re all just ‘good friends’ & he’s just a ‘good guy’ who helps them out…..right. I do miss the person I thought he was, but now after him being able to just walk off from me after 16 months straight like I was nothing, like I didn’t have feelings, he’s not what I thought he was he’s what I was warned of.
Yes I write about him & yes there’s a chance he can read it. I don’t do it to attack, I do it because I’m alone with all this pain & confusion of how he & people I thought were my friends have treated me. They all just left me. At first I thought maybe I was the awful person but it’s not me, it’s them. They were done using me. I trust no one anymore, not even my dog.
I wasn’t even warned that these people were leaving my life. I am forced to let go of them, there is no choice at all. They don’t want me.
I miss them still even though I shouldn’t, even though they have gave me every reason in the world to hate them. How can people just be so damn cruel to others??? I don’t get it at all. I wasn’t raised that way. I was nothing but an option, a last minute decision when others weren’t available. I didn’t mean nothing to no one & now I see that I never have. That’s okay I guess, maybe someday someone will truly care about me.
One day I’ll be alright. One day I’ll be able to breathe again, to smile for real & not just to hide the pain. One day moving on will become easier. I know I miss them but I’m guessing they don’t miss me, I probably don’t even cross their mind unless it was something they needed to use me for. But since I haven’t seen them I suppose now I’m not worth their time to even be used…..
I don’t cry much anymore, I think I’m numb to the pain. I’ve been staying busy too. But every morning, through out the day, & when I lay down at night they’re on my mind. They don’t deserve to be on my mind at all.
I will go on & I will be fine someday. Every day is a new day for that, one of these days I will be free from the pain. Will or do they miss me?….Nope because no effort has been made whatsoever in 3-4 weeks now. But I know karma exists & it will if it hasn’t already make them pay for destroying me so very badly.
I am going to make myself write a dirty story or add another sex talk post next. Not going to allow myself to write another sad post until I do. I think it will help me.
But I think that having my feelings & troubles recorded down like this as I go is also helpful to me & to others who find my blog who need to see they are not alone.
Love you people & have a beautiful day!!!!

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