January 5, 2018

I do what I want now!

Because of all the troubles & pains & heartaches I have learned so much about myself. I think I’m a pretty amazing person even if most can’t see it because of the evil in their eyes & hearts. I have learned how to survive on my own which is very difficult. I have shed so many tears since I’ve been single. I have had no one really be there for me, no one. I come from always having family around me to living out of my truck making peanut butter & jelly sandwiches with a bag of chips last me for a week or until pay day. Showering at truck stops, washing an outfit in a bathroom sink to hang in my truck to dry. Luckily I had a vehicle & I had a phone that used straight talk. I didn’t even tell the first person until I finally got a place to live. I was embarrassed. Even with a place to live I still struggled the entire time to pay the bills. Not eating again. Freezing or burning up all the time. Not able to help my kids out when they needed me because I couldn’t help myself.
I am so different here lately. I have been rejected. I have been ignored. I have been left with no friends that I thought I had. And I fell hard for someone that I shouldn’t have that couldn’t see me for who I was just what I was to him. I have lost everything I owned..again. But you know what? I’ll make it, I will still make it somehow because I’m a fighter. My mother taught & raised me to be that way & I can’t run from it no matter how hard I try. I’m not sure what my future holds, I really have no idea at all. But I do know better now than to allow anyone to get close to me again. I don’t think my heart can handle another heartache anytime soon. I’m still trying to recover from the current one. I am somewhat disappointed in myself but also proud of myself in a way because even through it all……..I am still standing somehow!
I haven’t been able to sit down & write a sexual story or write another sex talk post in awhile. I can’t focus still. I’ve been in survival mode & that’s all I’ve been doing.
I just do what I want when I want to now.
I see & watch other women wondering what it is that makes them so much better than me but I’ve come to a conclusion that they’re not better. It’s men who make you feel that way. Online is the worst place I swear. Men will lose their minds over some girls pic when they have a significant other, & even if you can see it, they still flirt & like women’s pictures & stuff?????????? I’m so done with all that bullshit. It seems everybody is just a whore anymore. I’d rather be alone than to ever deal with that shit again!

Sorry, I still have a lot of anger in me & a lot of pain. I maintain myself for myself & my kids & grandson, but when I’m alone or at night it gets to me sometimes. I mean how can I run from such pain you know? I’ve never in my life been hurt this bad, I’m not sure how to deal with it but you know what?…I am. I am everyday. I can & will do this.
Back to me being a pretty amazing person hahaha! It hurts that no one wants me for me, just what I can give them (p***y). But that’s all anybody wants anymore is to just have sex. No one cares who you are as a person. But you see I have so much to offer other than just my sex-which I’ve been told is damn good hehe, but really though I do have a lot to offer but nobody cares to get to know me. That’s okay I guess because one day they’ll watch me give all I have to another that they didn’t take notice of when they had me, & that’s to everyone, friends & family as well. What one won’t do another will feel privileged to do.
Any who lol…..I hope somebody somewhere is getting something out of all my posts because sometimes I’m so all over the place that I don’t even know what I’m saying or feeling. I hate feeling this way. And it sucks but people, sorry ass people has caused it. Is anyone true anymore??? Am I the only one left??? Geez!
I do live my life the way I want to now. I do & come & go & say as I please. I’ve held myself back for so long for everyone else that I’ve cheated & made my own self miserable. Do they care?…Nope, they don’t even notice.
New journies to explore….my whole life.
Doing what Lori wants for a change.
Love ya people!! Have a great rest of the day!

%d bloggers like this: