January 4, 2018

Good Morning People

I guess its pretty much cold everywhere huh? It’s so cold here in Georgia that I’m considering hibernation lol. I cannot wait until winter is over with, I’m ready to get back in the sun!
I haven’t wrote a post in a few days because well, sometimes I just don’t have nothing to say at all. I get in moods where I don’t want anyone knowing I exist…honestly the ones I want to know don’t seem to give a rats ass anyways about me. But anyway……
Ever since my birthday I have had the hardest time dealing with everything & everyone. People I thought that would never treat me the way they are, are in fact treating me that way, like I all of a sudden dont exist to them. Like I got in the way of their life when they were a big part of mine. Its very cruel how each of them has done me.
This past week has absolutely drained me. So many changes going on & stuff I’m dealing with. Hopefully it’ll all work out for me for the better.
It’s so strange how everything can change in the blink of an eye. All those times of just laying in the floor & crying & hurting with so much pain because of the people that left me….I decided they’re not worth my time, I have a life to live & if they choose to walk out of it that’s their loss.
I was so exhausted last night I passed out around 7:30 & woke up wide awake at 3am lol. I slept so hard I forgot where I was. I so need a spa day of relaxation or something, a getaway. I’m so tired physically & emotionally. Definitely…emotionally. I didn’t think it was possible for your heart to break so badly.
But the great news is that my grandson is here!!!! He is so precious! I didnt think it was possible to love a child so much. He is the sweetest baby & I love with all my heart. He, my little Aiden saved me & he doesn’t know it. I was ready to give up my life. I didn’t care anymore. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. Then all of a sudden he came early. It took everything in me to drag myself to the hospital. When I seen him being born, something in me changed. I wanted to live again. I snapped into reality & realized that my kids & grandson need me, they need me. Even tho the ones that have hurt me & deserted me no longer can stand to even to speak to me & don’t need/want me around. Fk them.
I’m walking a different path. I’m making new adventures. My game plan has changed. Turns out that people do like me, they do want to be around me even when they get to know me. So I guess that means the others were in fact using me to just be able to drop me from their life. I kinda feel like myself, my old self that never gives up. I have in fact gave up on those that let me go though. I am weak emotionally but yet I’m still strong somehow. Life is crazy, crazy as hell. But I’m holding on & I refuse to give up.
Today is a new day. Will be getting ready for the changes & such that begin today. I’m ready to fight & win. I’m sorry you don’t know what I’m talking about but there’s some things I cant share. Just know I will survive & make it.
That’s all I have to say for now. I thank everyone for reading my blog, I appreciate you so much.
Hope you have a wonderful day!!
Lori

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