December 31, 2017

Never Lose Yourself

Don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget your worth. Don’t allow anything or anyone to cause you to lose yourself!
You are reading post after post on this blog from a woman who has been through more shit than the average woman. I’m not talking about women that fight diseases & illnesses-they are true warriors of their own, a whole new breed of a fighter. I do not & will not ever say my life is worse than theirs. They’re badass women!
I am talking about fighting everything else though. There’s not too many women I know, know of, or heard about that has really had any real problems other than the norm. I’m not putting myself on a pedestal but I am saying I’ve had way more than my fair share in life & I’m not even that old. Sure I’ve wrote about some of it. I’ve told some people my personal stuff. But some of the deepest darkest scars no one knows of. I carry them everyday with me. Those terrors have tried to destroy me in every which way. I’m still standing. I’m still fighting. And I will continue to fight.
I thought I learned who I was & what I was made of before but now I realize I am a fucking goddess & I will proudly accept it. I accepted I was a nothing, not worth anything for anyone not even for myself. I viewed myself as a nothing & that no one could even see me. The truth is that with all I’m dealing with is that they can in fact see me…..they fear me. They’re jealous & angry at me. Why? Simply because I intimidate them & I thought it was because I was just some low life horrible person. I thought I annoyed people or was well just not good enough. I am more than qualified in every area & I am a very talented woman in almost everything I do & no one is going to steal that away from me again!

Never lose yourself
I am a woman. A woman who has become very strong. A woman who has took a fucking beating all her life by so called situations, so called friends, so called family…..& men. I have been used & abused in every which way imaginable or unimaginable. Things I’ve went through, seen, did, things done to me that an average woman would have without a doubt committed suicide already. Every person that has contributed to damaging me in any way has been given their karma or will receive it soon. Yes it hurts me to think about those that I loved or trusted to do what they’ve done to me but you know what? I am not the one that lost. I am the one that can still get up every morning & carry herself throughout the day like I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I am the one that can smile in their face or to a situation & walk off like a boss. I know a lot of people have been through hell & I’m by no means trying to top them, who would want to, but this is my life & my story.
I actually shut down for a few days. I shut down my blog. I stopped talking to everyone. I had to regroup & figure out what was going on in my own head & life. And why everyone I loved just walked away from me…….just like that. Like I didn’t exist anymore.
I decided I didn’t give a shit, I don’t give a shit anymore about why they’re so selfish & inconsiderate of me. I’m not the one who lost anyone at all. they’re lame assess lost me! Pushed me so far away from them to a point to where I won’t go back. To a point where I focused on each one of them & wondered why I even gave a shit to start with. I am so over people treating me like shit. If they can’t ride with me the whole trip then get the fuck out of my ride. Nothing wrong with me, it’s them that has issues. Sorry but they’ve pushed away one hell of a friend & a woman. I do know my damn worth, I just got wrapped up in all my mess & the lies & fake ass friendships. It took me meeting other people & most importantly removing myself from the junk to snap out of it. This bitch is back & now I’m a cold hearted bitch on top of it. Good luck with that baby.
My life is completely changing again but this time I’m in control.
Never lose yourself
Yes as you know, I did fall in love & I will always love him. I will never forget him…ever. But when it’s just you & not the other person, it was never anything at all. Just play for them. It was one of the most bitter-sweet times that ever happened to me. Sweet because the fantasy world felt so real & so highly erotic & my feelings….were very true & deep but not wanted. Bitter because it ended & it was just what it was….a fantasy, not real, no feelings but mine.
Look, I’m not stupid. I know I got played. It’s clear as day. Just because I said to hell with everyone doesn’t mean I forgot who they are as well. I guess at some point most people get played or used or whatever you want to call it. Just because I care so much doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. I know I was dropped for someone else, I know it’s not anything other than that, my gut says so. All the signs say so. Even when you know shit & they still deny, now that’s funny. People talk too much. And some people aren’t as clever as they think. But again it’s not me who loses. Yes it was me that got hurt in every relationship lately but I still win because they were removed from my life, it opens my life up to be free. Free from the knife they were twisting in my back. That knife will begin on them because they’re not going to get away from how they did me. It’s not even in my control, it’s called karma. Karma is an asshole. It will take you down no matter how much you fight it. I won’t laugh because that’s not the kind of person I am….but….I will watch. I got my karma & it damn near killed my ass because of everyone & everything I was involved with. That won’t happen again.
Yes as you know, I used to talk about friends. I don’t anymore. I will no longer speak or give credit. All it does is bite me in the ass. Every single person I have gave credit too or spoke of or highly thought of showed me why I shouldn’t. Thank you.
Do I sound angry? Well I’m not actually, it’s more like fuck them. Why should I allow anyone to hurt me that doesn’t give me the time of the day or even allow me to cross their mind??? Sorry, no anger or blah blah here. Just done. No one deserves having control or a hold on you, remember that.
Regardless of what is going on & not many know about it, but I will make it I always do. Rock bottom shows you who you are & what you are made of. Sucks that I can’t carry on people I thought would never leave me but oh well, their loss.
I’m really glad I am in the mental state I am in because it opened my eyes wide. What was I thinking hahahahahahahaha. And that’s on everything over the past year & more. Who am I to let stuff or people get to me like that? Lol. Who are they thinking they can fool me? Hmmm?
I am important, I am worthy to love, I am needed, I am ENOUGH, I am an awesome person in my own little ways. No matter what went down, not a one of them will forget me. lol. That gives me a place in their cold heart. Don’t fuck over a good person, it will come back on you!
So if anybody reading this feels like I used to in some of my older posts……don’t! They are not worth it. Situations are not worth it. Nothing or no one is worth allowing yourself to be stolen.
Seem blunt or conceited? Nahhh, Just me no longer putting up with bullshit & knowing I am worth it, they’ll need me one day for their own needs & then at that moment they’ll realize they miss me because I’ll be nowhere to be found.
Never lose yourself
Have a great & wonderful day!!!!!
Lori

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