December 10, 2017

Here I go…..

Good morning people!! It’s a pretty day but it’s cold out there here in Georgia this morning, to me anyways lol. There’s still a tad bit of snow laying around, it’ll be gone soon. I just wish it would quit getting below freezing at night.
I’m getting so in love with myself more & more everyday. It’s took me nearly 42 years to do so though. The more I do the more people & things I remove from my life. They’re no longer beneficial to my life. Aggravation from simple things can trigger me to sink into my little self pity depression moments which could last for awhile. This past year more than any I think I have seen & met & known some of the most cold-hearted people ever. They will do whatever they possible can to stab you in the back then hug you & tell you they love you….???? That’s f’ked up! Fake people suck.
I sit alone most of the time now. I’m kinda okay with it for the most part. It’s peaceful not having fake, annoying people around me who’s only purpose is to screw me over somehow. Some of these people are still on my Facebook friends list too. They all of sudden don’t interact with me but they don’t unfriend me, hmmmm? Hell I’ll clean up my friends list one of these days lol.
It is rewarding to me to wake up, cook breakfast, hop on my computer & write. Then I’ll shower & proceed with my day. It is very nice & I want it to remain like this. It’s what I want.
You know I have to say that some people seem to think I’m not so bright or capable of much. Just because I don’t tell every little detail of my life doesn’t mean I’m not. I’ve had it rough as you know, I’ve wrote about it. But I don’t give up, I keep fighting. And I fight alone so how could I not be smart enough or capable of making it? A lot of women are well….pussies so to speak. They couldn’t handle a day inside of my life. I’m not better than them but I am stronger & wiser & pretty damn tough. Life has made me tough as hell but when depression hits I feel so weak it’s sickening & it pisses me off because that’s one thing I can’t control. And I have to control everything, I’ve always been that way. My ex used to get so pissed because I was always independent in every area. I wouldn’t share a bank account or my money. I am very stubborn so I had to do everything by myself. My momma taught me that for 18 years….it stuck with me.
I don’t even wish for a rich man because that means he’ll control it all & I don’t think so. I’d rather work for my own money & crawl up on my motor fighting to get that damn oil cap off by myself! Sorry I don’t know why I’m saying all this haha, not really where I was headed at all lol.
There’s a few things that I have to get done & soon. Mainly at this point I have to make it to a dentist really bad. I’m not in serious pain yet but it’s coming, I’ve done been down this road before. I dread it though, I hate dentists. Every time I walk into a dentist office I immediately start trembling all over & it won’t stop until I leave lol. But I gotta suck it up & toughen up on that area. Plus I gotta get my eyes checked, I can’t hardly see.
But the here I go title is just me striving to keep pushing myself. I won’t stop until I’m where I want to be. And I’m not really setting goals that are out of my reach either, I’m not stupid. If I hit the lottery then okay I’ll do some crazy stuff but in reality I’m only working towards writing & traveling. I don’t want to be tied down to any job & just barely make it from week to week, to me that’s just dumb. Yes it’s part of life but a part I can’t stand so I have to do this alone or I’ll never appreciate it nor will I make it if it’s not done by me & my way. Everyone’s mind is programmed to work most of their life, come home eat & sleep then right back at it. To me that’s not living life. I tend to look beyond things way further than most people even can.
I know I’m a bit of a handful & kinda crazy here & there but I do mean well. I am a female so you know..hahaha! But those that leave my life or want to well go ahead, I’ll hold the door open for ya. I’ve learned that most people ain’t who they seem to be anyway, sometimes you find out a little late but you’ll always find out….find out who’s true or who’s just a punk.
I can’t wait to write & post pics & stuff on here & Facebook of the writing & traveling pics, not because I want to say ‘look at me nananabooboo’, I would never do that nor do I think that way. I’ll share because I’ll be proud of myself for never giving up & pushing through to follow my dreams. I’ve never came this close to my dreams before….ever & it feels pretty damn good.

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