November 30, 2017

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Good afternoon. I have no title for this post, I really don’t lol.
Man I just got to say that I’m loving my new ‘work’ schedule lol. No morning alarms is absolutely awesome! And it’s very freeing. But I still have to work though haha.
You know that last post I did where I said what I needed to say from my heart & got all that off my chest? Well, I set it to private. I panicked because I thought that ‘someone’ might see it & read it. I refuse to throw myself out there & look like a fool…on purpose anyways lol. I know I should leave it public but I’m not quite ready for that but I’m not deleting it. That way when I am I can repost it later.
I posted a meme on Facebook that said ‘I want to be someone’s favorite’, that kinda hit me funny. I thought about it & how good it would feel to be someone’s favorite little thing ya know. Just that can’t get enough of me kinda feeling but I don’t get that from anyone. Sucks. I can offer it but it isn’t wanted by the one I want to give it to so oh well, plus one sided ain’t fun no way.
I’m not around people as much anymore as I was so I’ve been cleaning my house lol. Yes I’m kinda bored but I’ll adapt to it, I just don’t wanna swell back up & get fat again….back to the gym!!

I basically have went off the grid by working at home. It’s what I wanted to do & I like it so far. But being off grid is doing me good. I’m not around (& now that I can’t get fired for speaking it) those two faced bitches I worked with! Omg I hate plant jobs, nothing but drama everyday! It’s worse than high school. So many fake ass people & whores…lots of those! I lost a friend there because I guess she was jealous & thought I would sleep with her men or something. Made up shit I was spreading rumors about her & telling everyone I was jealous of her…hahahahaha! Now that’s funny! Sorry not jealous of nobody, never have been. Most people suck & at that she has a miserable life, why would I want it? LOL! Okay I’ll shut up now & behave I guess. Ohhhh & not to mention, it was a sorry ass company to work for too!
Everything I’ve been through & all the assholes I’ve dealt with have changed me. I used to be somewhat of a bitch before, I’m female-duh lol. But now I don’t take nor believe anybody’s shit. I have no tolerance whatsoever. I say what I want to say & to whom I want to say it to, I don’t give a damn anymore. I’ve been treated like shit by most of everyone so now I just say fuck it. Fuck me over=goodbye, can’t do me right=goodbye. Ain’t no sense in putting up with anything simply because I don’t have to….

Yesterday my heart was heavy but I sat outside on the tailgate of my truck for awhile just thinking. I kept tearing up but refused to allow myself to cry. I actually stared into the trees watching squirrels & listened to the birds. The little things. I deal with that feeling of not being wanted & it sucks. Not feeling good enough, ever. I have a shit ton to offer but yet I feel so small, & no one wants it anyway.
I definitely have time to think that’s for sure. It’s actually helping, I’m realizing who I am & what I want. The part that hurts is knowing what isn’t good for me anymore & changing it. Blah lol.
Have a great day!
Lori

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