October 2, 2017

Good Monday Morning

Not so good for me this morning…I’ve been up and down half the night with a bad headache and sick at my stomach, I’m guessing the headache was making me sick. So I’m not at work which sucks, another set back. There’s just no way I could leave the house right now, I barely made it back and forth to the bathroom all night lol. It’s funny how I hardly ever get a head cold but I’ll get headaches straight from hell with stomach problems. Ugh…. Hopefully I’ll start feeling better soon and shake this off.
Basically I just wanted to share some sayings that speak to me or about me today. I’m thinking of making a post with some favorite memes but it may make a huge post haha. I’m not sure if that would be a good post or not. It’s just that sometimes those memes can say what you need to hear or say what you need to say. I love memes. I downloaded an app where you can make your own memes and it’s pretty cool. You just pick a background and say what’s on your heart or mind, and the app puts it together and saves it so you can send or share to wherever.
Something that is on my heart….several people uplift me but what they don’t understand is they don’t really know me. I’m just me, I’m not anything above that and my ‘me’ is apparently not good enough. And the reason I say that is because if I was good enough, every man that was mine at one time would have kept me………..would have done anything to never lose me, would not have cheated on me or mistreated me or fed me nothing but lies if I was something so special. I don’t consider myself all that great anymore. Not being a debbie downer just speaking the truth of how I feel.
I read something somewhere about how other people see you totally different than how you view yourself. Confuses me. I stood in front of the mirror the other day without makeup on and without my hair all fixed up. All I see is a woman who looks stressed and is aging. I don’t see the cute spunky girl I used to see anymore. I examined myself from head to toe. I said out loud everything I see that’s ugly. Sunspots from tanning. Wrinkles from worrying. Ugly bad teeth from a gum thing the dentist said would end my teeth. Too skinny. Chest and butt not built, not much there. Frizzy hair when not tamed. Chubby belly. Just out of shape/tone. What I don’t get…is all of that is what I have going for me and yet people still say I’m beautiful. I do not see it. Why don’t I see it??? Do any of you ever feel like this?
The only thing I feel that is good about me is I will not cheat. I will not steal. I will not use someone. I don’t lie on people. I may call some out on their shit because I have no filter and absolutely no tolerance for BS and lies.
So now I’m trying to figure out how to stop feeling this way and maybe I can see whatever the hell others are seeing. I just don’t feel like I’m good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough and so on to turn heads or for someone to really be into me. I’m NOT looking for sympathy, I’m looking for answers and understanding. I know I’ve been depressed and that’s probably took a toll on how I feel.
I actually have been on the other end of this. I’ve told people how great they are and they rejected the compliments just like I’m doing now, and I didn’t understand then why they didn’t see what I seen in them. It boggles my poor mind. I need to quit thinking so much lol.
Favorite Sayings: (some)
*I don’t claim these as mine, not sure who authors are*
‘My soul is stained by everyone who recklessly spilled their contents’
‘The ones who love you will never leave you’
‘When you date a real man you get,”Let’s go, lets do it” instead of…”You didn’t text me first and I was busy”……..
‘Nothing is nicer than having someone who appreciates you in the smallest things’
‘Never put them first if you always come last’
‘You can’t love someone into loving you’
‘If someone treats you like an option, narrow their choices by removing yourself’
‘Some people will go to great lengths to gain your trust just so they can turn around and play you’
‘People make time for who they want to make time for…period’
‘Guys are like bras, they hook up behind your back’
‘Gut feelings do not lie, if you think you’re being done wrong, you probably are’
Anyway, that’s just some of them. I have tons more lol. I wish I had the money to take a drive if I ever get rid of this headache. I hate a damn headache with a passion. Makes it hard to stare at computer and write to and that’s all I want to do.
Well I’m fixing to eat what I had fixed for my lunch for work. Since I couldn’t go to work there ain’t no sense in it being wasted lol. Maybe with food and medicine and a nap it’ll ease off my headache….I hope!
Have a great day!!!!

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