September 29, 2017

Just be you

Hey there everyone! I hope y’all had a great day yesterday & you do today as well. Thankful I’m employed but damn I need a vacation. My hands & fingers are cramping because I don’t have a pansy ass job lol, just saying.
Have you ever just sat & thought very deeply about yourself, your life, people & things in your life? It’s all I’ve been doing the past couple of days. I honestly have too much time on my hands. I think & read & research way too damn much. I can’t help it when that’s all I have to do. I study people like crazy. You can learn a lot about someone if you just pay attention & be quite. I learn more than I should I’m sure. I can’t help it, it’s well, I don’t know what it is really but I can’t stop. It causes me to turn on a person real quick especially when the dirt is bad or is hidden, then comes out. I have a shit ton of screenshots & info… I’m just gonna leave that there lol.
Anyway hehe, yes I’m a bitch but only when I’ve gotta be. I normally try to see the good in people & I’ll literally give them chance after chance. But when I reach that point to where they’re annoying me or are never gonna change or have done me wrong over & over, I’ll drop them & they won’t even realize it. My life=My happiness, if you can’t add happiness to it then be gone.
I will be myself until I die. I don’t really give 2 shits who likes me or not anyore. I’m not changing or pretending to be something I’m not for anyone, that’s what them fake bitches do, they gotta maintain that fake image instead of having a real image. I’m not a girly girl & will never be. I’m more of a tomboy with a twist haha.
You know it’s hard to maintain being yourself these days, so much drama & craziness. You just have to take a step back, take a breath & begin again.
I’m living a lonely life but it’s my life now, just mine. I’ve struggled with it for over a year now. When you’ve never been alone….it is a big punch in the gut of fear, mixed emotions, confusion, hurt, & so on & so on. I’m still making it somewhat. Every single day I wake up, I have to force myself to get up & pick myself up from the day befores pain. It ain’t easy. I think I may be learning how to cope rather than getting past this junk, I don’t know. Either or, I’ve been examining everything that’s causing me misery & it’s about time to do some changing.
Being myself is something I do everyday. If no one likes just little ole me, so be it, bye… I don’t have to impress one damn soul out there. I no longer give a damn about keeping it real with anyone that causes me to question them. I hate a fucking liar more than anything. I’ve been lied to, cheated, done wrong, ignored, used, annnnd always picked last pretty much all of my life, & lying to myself as well. Tried to convince myself that certain people care, wrong. They don’t & never did. Now I no longer care.
I’m not angry, I’m done. Done with all the bullshit. I literally won’t believe you if you tell me the sky is blue without checking. Words don’t mean shit, it’s the actions that tell on people. I’m far from stupid & I can see right through most people’s bullshit. Sickening what you learn or find out about them.
Being just me & being alone keeps me sane & keeps me from getting hurt any further. I don’t deserve what people have done to me or done behind my back & they walk around thinking I don’t know. But that’s how I am, if needed I’ll reveal my info, if not I won’t. But I’ll never have another thing to do with those people.
Well I’m off to work at my other job today. Have a great day.
Lori

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