September 21, 2017

I had a strange moment today…

Well good afternoon everyone! I hope y’all are having a wonderful day. Mines ok I guess, I’m working at my part time job today. At least I’m out of the house right? Lol.
Y’all know I love to write obviously. I don’t claim to be a professional by no means but I teach myself what I can about writing. I have such wonderful ideas and story plots for books that would make amazing little movies lol. From sexual to kid books. Why haven’t I wrote them or finished the ones I’ve started? Good question lol. Well let me tell you. I’ve set around for years and put men ahead of myself. I’ve always put myself on the back burner for later. Not anymore.
But… My moment I had earlier this morning was strange and kinda disappointing. Everything I’ve went through with men even up to this day is a lesson. A lesson I needed to finish a book I had started a long time ago. I couldn’t finish it because I was lost on how to, now I know. All the lies, anger, hurt, cheating, the evil disgusting things done to me and behind my back…will in fact make an ending to my book. It almost causes me to literally hate men in general. I’m sorry men, but once a woman has been nothing but used and abused you really can’t blame her.
I wonder what it would be like to feel wanted and loved and not have to change yourself or pretend to be something your not from and for a man?! Who knows.
The feeling of deceit from men and friends is an ugly awful thing to have to feel. You speak to ‘friends’ while the whole time you wonder what they’ve done behind your back because shit don’t add up. You see and know men are not faithful to you. To never feel that deceit again would be amazing!
Yes I’m still doing ok, not great but better. There’s so much going on with everything and everyone it’s hard to keep up at times.
I honestly don’t know what it would feel like for someone to be there for me without me having to ask. Does that mean I’m a horrible person or I’m just not finding true hearted people? So confusing.
I’m currently still working on some new ways to make life better for me and my sons. We’re all struggling with our own problems. But it sucks to sit and watch people not help them no more than people help me. That’s why I’m standing up and busting my ass to do something about it. I don’t care if no-one wants anything to do with us, I know us and we are good people apparently all mixed up with the wrong people.
Soon, hopefully very soon, it’ll all work out for us.. And I think staying single would be a great idea for me. Plus being able to quit the job and get away from the bullshit there would be nice too. Too much childish drama from adults.

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