September 15, 2017

Here goes…

Here goes nothing. Today I’m beginning new ways to better myself. Ain’t nobody gonna be there for you like you will for yourself, especially being single. I love how people turn their heads, even loved ones while your going through hell. It’s alright though, I’m used to it.
I didn’t say the last couple of sentences for pity, it’s just known facts. It’s always been that way for me. If I was a horrible person I could understand it better…but I’m not. The only thing about me that seems bad is if you’re an ass to me or treat me like shit, I will most definitely return the attitude tenfold!! Can’t help myself lol. Only thing I can figure is jealousy of me or intimidated by me. Other than that I can’t figure it out. I have no clue.
Hopefully all goes as planned and I can put more focus into my blogs and get them set up right. I am wanting to finish writing a couple of books I started and get those published as well.
I gotta get back to me and focus on me. I’ve realized there ain’t no-one there for me like I need them to be. And no it ain’t just about money neither. It’s in every way I need people. I was there for others so many times whether it was just talking or buying or whatever, but the favor never returns itself. You learn a lot though…in tough times that is. You learn a lot about people and yourself.
The past year has been the absolute worst & best year of my life. Crazy I know lol. It has been a crazy ride! I’ve learnt a lot about… ME. There’s been as much good as bad throughout the whole year. And on top of it all, my depression has shown it’s peaking power almost the entire year. I’ve never experienced such mental pain & confusion in my life! BUT I’ve said it before lately, it’s not gone but I’m doing a shit ton better with it. Hopefully I’m coming out of it. There’s less & less days of crying & hurting, & less panic attacks. AND I’ve fought it without being fucked up on medication! The hardest part is pushing myself. Pushing to get out of bed. Making myself go to work. Hell even doing the dishes was an awful difficult task at times. I’m proud of myself even if no-one else even notices or is. I’m a tough chick.
I still ain’t sharing my blog to my Facebook, it has helped to slow down the nasty comments. Sucks having to deal with rude or perverted people like that all the time. I mean I’m perverted…. Duh lol, but not to the point of treating people like they do me. I’m just a friendly flirt. 😉
Well have a great day everyone!!

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