September 6, 2017

Good Morning 

How beautiful it is to wake up and not have to rush off to a hated job. Drinking my coffee in my jammies. Not having to rush off to anywhere. This is how I want my life to be. Not to be lazy but to solely work online and write. I’ve busted my ass most of my life making other people/companies richer, I’m over it. I’m really still no better off no matter how much I work, it’s a never ending cycle and that’s just how it works. But I’m not normal and I hate, hate…the normal routine of the american dream so to speak. The majority of the world does it but me-busting my ass, wasting my life away and being at work more than at home does not really say…happiness. Sorry, I’m sure I pissed someone off lol, can’t speak without pissing people off. Working online isn’t physical but let me assure you it is still work-mentally. Have you ever wrote anything? It isn’t as easy as you think. I’ve done my fair share of hard physical labor for companies that never appreciate you. Blah! Done with em! 
I wrote a small post on Facebook a few days back stating that I would open up in my next blog post about everything that is bothering me and adding to the depression ……sorry, I can’t do it. I decided that there are some people that I know for a fact read my blog and they don’t deserve to know me like that or know those things about me. I say a lot except my really personal shit and that was what I was gonna write about. I want to let it out but I still can’t. I don’t care if you’ve known me for years, sorry to say but you still don’t know me. 
I’ve been told I talk in my sleep haha, probably be the only way to hear something LOL. Better not find no sound recorders in my house lol, just playing. 
Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m getting into today. I thought about finishing up the kitchen so I can move on to working on the next room. I may do my bedroom next, If I do it’s gonna be painted a light purple with white trim and I’m making my own headboard from an old picket fence-white with white curtains for windows. Yes I’ve decided to stay where I’m living at until I can buy or rent to own my own place, I hate moving! Anywho, there’s not much left of finishing up the kitchen though. A little more wall and floor to paint then another coat on cabinets. After that I basically need curtains…lots of curtains! I can’t decide if I want to buy them or make them. If I buy them I’m getting these ones I found on amazon for $6 a piece(per panel, I need 22 panels for the whole house), that’s $132+s&h, they’re supposed to be black out curtains which would be great considering the drafts in this house. Buuut it may be cheaper for me to just make them myself, way cheaper than $132. 
I will say one thing. But it really still doesn’t help you learn me lol. My heart is in a million pieces. I hurt all the time, I’ve never hurt quite like this before nor for this length of time over anything. It’s really strange. I can laugh, dance, baha around in my truck being me, but it’s still there. I wanted to tell you all what it all is, I really did. But I guess some things a woman has to add to her secrets in her heart list. Mine is pretty full which is why I think I wanted to just let it all out. Maybe one day when I meet someone that’s mine and is true to me, I may trust enough to let this shit out. 
Damn this coffee is so good this morning, I’m gonna be peeing all day cause I can’t quit drinking it haha. Yummy! It is nice though, walking around in t-shirt and panties, holding my coffee cup, not giving a fuck this morning….aahhhh. That and dancing, being me-goofy, etc. There’s some benefits to living alone! When I can do all this and still be comfortable with a man, then that’s how I’ll know he’s the one. But I still want those butterflies when he looks in my eyes though, still gotta make me knees weak, that’s real yummy! 
Ok ever since finding out that my grandchild is a boy, I have become impatient. I want to see and hold him so bad!!! I’m considering setting up my spare bedroom for when he spends the night with me (you know mom n dad is gonna want a break lol). So instead of them having to bring half of his things, I’d have everything. Sounds like a good idea to me anyway. He’s a part of my life, my family. My grandson! If my home isn’t welcome to my sons and grandson and future grandchildren, then I ain’t much of a mom or mammaw. 
I bet some of y’all are like wait….don’t you have critters??? Hahaha. The answer is I did but I’m closing up the house and by the time he is born my home will be safe. It’s just it’s an old house that wasn’t took care of at all. I’m having to go through every nook and cranny fixing stuff and closing off stuff like crazy. It’ll be safe I promise. Who knows, maybe I’ll win the lottery or have a man by January heehee….yea right lol. 
Ok I’m getting off here. Time for a hot shower this morning and then finishing that kitchen. 
Have a great day!!!
Love ya, Lori 

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