September 2, 2017

New Level Or A Breakdown?

The littlest of things are either so beautiful or completely devastating to me. The smallest problem can seem so huge. A huge problem makes me so numb. Either wide open or completely shut down. All or nothing. Full of dreams & ideas yet no one’s interested in me to know. I’m a woman but like none other. Full of love & laughs but no one to release them. Happy one hour, sad for four. Energy is hard to come by. Control?.. losing it..next day, fully in control.

Full of talent not noticed. Full of life not appreciated. So confident in self, then reality is the body of a girl not a woman. Never enough for a man to be satisfied with just me, they always need more. Unknown secret talents go wasted. Do they even know my eye color?.. nope. Time spent with me?.. nope.

Wonderful & handsome men mothered by me, I’m a pathetic person now that they’re grown & need my help, who can’t help. They’re remarkable joy brought to my life when there was none.
Alone yet happy to be? Pillows hold me at night not a man. Love loud music to drown out my life. But silence is more deafening. Loves the pinks & purples but dark turns me on. Not one understands me. Not one wants too. Not one is in love with me. Just the love-sex I have, that’s it, not real. Moments away from me, I’m forgotten.

Liars are…. Disgusting. Nuff said.
Careers, finances, bills, routines are becoming obsolete. Wanting & doing out of the norm. Different, that’s me. Wanna know me?.. good luck with that, I trust no one.
Ready to disappear?.. yes I am, me noticed?.. nah. Do I care?.. somewhat.

What the hell am I saying?… I’m speaking of me. The woman you think you know, you don’t know very well at all. I’ve said so much about myself right? Wrong. All that is just a thin outer layer. Just fun. Life is pretty much hell & leaning on myself who is not sure what the hell to do or think. Literally taking it one second at a time.
Depression is no joke.
Goodnight, Lori

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