August 31, 2017

'Just' 💜💜💜

‘Just’ in case no one has told any of you lately… You are beautiful, You are appreciated, & You’re important. 💜 ‘Just’ you yourself… are very amazing. And you are enough! Ain’t no one like you, So Be You.
I had a very very very rough day today. It was so bad that I almost quit again & it was worse than yesterday. Shit going wrong as usual, face to face cussing with a hyster driver, etc. I raised both my arms up high, had both middle fingers shining & yelling fuck this place!! I was walking towards the door. The only thing that stopped me was when I looked up and seen my gf💜 standing there…. I couldn’t leave her. She’s there for me all the time. She listens, she talks to me, & hugs me if I cry. She’s an awesome beautiful person and I wouldn’t trade her for no one!
I do believe though the stress on me is ‘just’ too much. I can no longer cope. I can no longer keep it all bottled up. I’m gonna explode one day, just watch.
I have discovered that painting helps get my mind off things a bit. I’m able to act almost normal. Painting in my kitchen is definitely a plus. I want to re-paint the whole inside & porch but paint is expensive, I’d need like, what, 8-9 gallons at $15 a pop…. Ugh! Not sure exactly, I don’t paint that much. Sucks that something that helps me I can’t afford to do it… Damn. I have it planned out in my head & screenshots of what I’m wanting to do in every room. And ‘just’ that alone, the planning, keeps my mind distracted temporarily lol.
I got home from work & as usual my lights are off (saving on power bill), I didn’t turn not one on, made my way to kitchen & threw all my bags in the floor & went in my room & immediately fell onto the bed in tears. I snapped, I let it out, I cried hard. And I cried so hard that I felt sorry for myself crying that hard & cried harder. I realized at that moment I love myself 💜 a little bit more, I don’t deserve the shit I’m going through. I’m ‘just’ so over everything….. Tired, tired, tired… Nervous break down? Maybe? Or maybe ‘just’ tired of all the bullshit I deal with.
Yes I’m still in my right mind lol. ‘Just’ really sad & depressed.
I ‘just’ for once would like for something to go right in my life. I’ve never done as much bad as karma is throwing on me, completely ridiculous to live like I do.
Well it’s almost midnight & I’m exhausted & can’t keep my eyes open. Goodnight. I hope y’all have a great day tomorrow.
Lori

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