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Night Cap 'Me Stuff'

Do you remember when you were younger and you would sit and think about your future, even make plans? Have you ever sat and remembered those plans now that your older? That’s what I done today lol. I use to say I was going to be a meteorologist when I got older because even to this day I love the weather, especially storms. A few years back there was a funnel cloud right at our house and I was standing in the doorway watching it, my older son had to pull me inside haha. Just fascinates the hell outta me!
 I also wanted to be a model and I did graduate from a modeling school, did the photo shoots and walked several runways, did a fashion show and was about to sign a commercial contract with Pepsi before I walked away. It was awesome but I got bored with it because it was too damn girly LOL…I needed 4-wheelers and mud! My momma was so mad at me 😳😳😳. 
Of course like all girls I wanted a man and kids. I wanted a girl and boy, I got two boys and couldn’t be happier! 
I also wanted to write….well I guess I’m doing one of them lol!! 
I always wanted to know what it felt like to get on stage and rock the hell out like a rockstar!!! You know, with the crowd in love with ya and all! I’ve always loved music but my favorite is ROCK! 
And…lol. I want a pole. 😁. Not for the world to watch but for my man to watch me dance. I just think it would be hot for a couple to do in private. You know….’His Private Dancer’. 😍 Hot Hot Hot 
I can remember asking my momma what does true real love feel like so I would know when I got me a boyfriend. Haha, she says never mind that right now honey, one day it’ll hit you and in your heart you will just know…and it’ll be when you least expect it and with whom you least expect it with. It could hurt like hell because sometimes we fall in love with someone who doesn’t love us back, but one day there will be a guy who can never ever let you go babygirl and you will feel the same. I miss my momma😔 and I never forget her words. (& I do know what it feels like now, she was right). 
I wanted to be a veterinarian too which is why I’m an animal nut lol. But when I learned I had to stay in school like 8-10 more years, it lost it’s excitement haha. 
And the last one for now, believe me there’s more lol. But I think somewhere after both my kids were born I wanted to open up my own sex toy shop kinda place. I had it all designed out and planned on making it better and bigger than any out there. And y’all know where that idea came from 😜😜😜. Can’t help it, sex interests me. Not the sleeping with everything but sharing awesome experiences with ‘one’ someone…oh and bondage lol. 
Ok I lied one more. I’ve never dressed like it or nothing but I’ve always since way back been interested in the goth look. I don’t know why but I have. I have black makeup and black lipstick but I never wear it out in public lol. Not sure if I can pull it off or not. But it would be hot for a private thing with the man.😉
I know in the above I probably sound a little happier which right now I’m pretty calm. Earlier today I had a real hard time. I think I may be getting closer to a nervous breakdown possibly. Bills are killing me! But anyway, I was down and out and crying. I walked into my laundry room to get a shirt and I just collapsed to my knees crying. I laid there on my pile of dirty clothes just sobbing. Having myself a pity party I guess but I couldn’t get up for like forever it seemed. I didn’t have my phone on me or I would’ve called a girlfriend to come rescue me. It sucks being like that and really sucks that most people don’t understand me. Going out don’t solve nothing. It’s deep down, years of pain, and current situations just make it way worse than it should be or has to be. I’m not crazy just sad and so very tired of fighting alone. It’s getting to me. But I’ll make it somehow.
Just wanted to share and see what y’all you use to dream of and if those dreams came true for you? 
Well thanks everyone for visiting and reading! 
Love, Lori 

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