June 18, 2017

Talking To Myself ๐Ÿ™„

Ok so after work I’m driving home and I start speaking out loud. Asking myself..”Lori, what the hell are you going to do?”.  And, “What do you really want out of life?”. And, “Do you honestly want another relationship or just stay single?”. And, “How are you gonna make ends meet living day to day?”. And, ” How much longer you think this truck is gonna keep kicking?”. Have I done gone crazy now?? Lol 
I didn’t answer myself but I kept on asking a bunch of different questions out loud. I don’t know why, I really don’t. I’m under so much stress right now I’m smothering to death. And the biggest part of it has to do with the lack of money. How the hell do I make it though? I’ve yet to get my rent back on track and they’re getting pissed off at me. The struggle is real as hell let me tell ya. I swear if one more person says to me “it don’t cost that much”, I’m gonna explode. People don’t seem to realize how broke I am and it pisses me off hearing that stuff. 
Y’all I’m awake and I worked all day yesterday and I have to work today, it’s gonna be a long day lol. 
I wish I knew a way out or had a damn plan of some sort. It feels like I’m just existing anymore. I know I’m whining but dammit this has been like this for for way too long now. I don’t run out and blow my money, I just don’t make enough. I barely buy groceries and animals are now eating that cheap shitty dog food. It’s crazy. 
Change of subject, now I’m having to watch what I post on facebook because it’s causing problems. I have had a lot of friend requests lately and yea I sent some out but not a whole lot. But anyway, people take things too serious and most don’t know about me and what I’ve been through so they’re responding to my posts the opposite of what they mean or taking it as if I wanna date. On here is really the only place I can be myself without worry. Oh except my journal haha, I cuss whoever and whatever out in that lol! My phone will be buried with me ๐Ÿ˜. 
But back to talking to myself. Do any of y’all do that lol? I was sitting here in bed still asking myself shit. And the house I live in is not my cup of tea but I’m stuck here. I can’t get ahead enough to save up for moving. I’ve been here a year next month and I still have sheets for curtains ugh. I need a miracle or something lol. 
I haven’t been able to work on a dirty story today due to working. After 12 hours I’m beat which is weird because I’m still awake. I’m kinda sleepy now but I’m afraid I won’t hear the alarm and if I’m late again boss done said I was gonna be in big trouble. 
Well I’m gonna attempt to doze anyway. 12 hours is reallllllly long without sleep. 
Gn/Gm to all y’all!

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