May 17, 2017

Good Night

Sorry I haven’t been on here in a couple of days. I take spells where I just don’t want to talk. I spent a big part of today with my oldest son. We cooked us up a dinner and dessert, we over ate let me ya lol. I barely could drive him home I was so sleepy. Now I’m the tub working my way towards the bed. I’m exhausted, all that mowing and cooking I did today lol. Kitchen will get cleaned up in the morning…I don’t care hmph. 
And as busy as I stayed today I still can’t relax my mind from freaking out. If something don’t give I’m going under bad. I don’t know how I’m still standing from all the stress on me. Not to mention it’s summer and I’m scared I’ll see another snake, me and son seen a big lizard in the kitchen not long ago so I’m freaked out about that too. This house is a piece of shit!
 I honestly can’t even take much more. I got semi bad news earlier and I couldn’t even react I’m so fed up with shit never working out for me. I literally couldn’t cry, get mad, laugh at it, nothing. It just doesn’t surprise me anymore. Nothing or no one does. I used to be so on fire to better myself but stuff and people have pulled me down. Lack of money is killing me and being made to feel like I ain’t shit is another. I hate being lied to and being so fucking broke…All ….The …Time …

And I was really working on this pic above, focusing on myself trying to find my worth. But ya know what…I don’t see anything. I’m 41, getting older, not in shape, body is nothing to wahoo over, and I am developing a bad attitude towards men. Sorry but I am, a bunch of them ain’t nothing but jerks….horny ass jerks and that’s all they’re after. Irritates the hell out of me. I look in the mirror because of the comments and likes and I just don’t see what anybody’s seeing. I just don’t get it. 
I really think if I could stop living day to day financially I’d be a little better off, at least not as stressed. Finances will drive you in sane! 
And I know some of you are trying to get to know me, I’m sorry if I’m kinda out there but I simply don’t won’t to get hurt no more. I deal with enough of that as it is. It sucks when you realize that the ones you thought actually cared…don’t…don’t even think about you. Forget about you. Feeling unwanted. That shit sucks and is hard to swallow. You’d think I’d be used to that kinda thing by now. Some just take me by surprise though. But you can bet your sweet ass I will not fall for it again. I wish sometimes I could meet someone that would prove to me that all people ain’t the same, but idk if I want to get to know anyone else for awhile anyway.

I guess the only worth I can see in myself is I’m faithful and will love the fuck out of someone. Do anything for them, but it’s also my downfall. No one is true anymore damn. 
Any-who….enough complaining I guess. I hope y’all had a great day today. It was hot but it was nice out. My little dog didn’t seem to care for it, she’s black lol. It’s pretty hot on her at times. 
No I’m not mad, not mad at anyone in particular. Just sick n tired of pretty much everything right now. I can only stand so much ya know. I am human not a damn robot. Anyway goodnight y’all! 
Love, Lori 😔

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