Yes I’m still awake, can’t sleep but that’s alright cause I don’t work tomorrow so I’ll nap all day. I hope everyone had a great day today/now yesterday…whatever you wanna call it lol. My day was long and kinda tiring. Boss made me work a bit harder toward the end of the day but I made it.
Anyway what I’ve been thinking about is….since last year I’ve been going through complete hell and here lately it’s even worse. I honestly believe I’ve been getting my karma that was due to me. I ain’t perfect but I’ve done some things I shouldn’t of but did them anyway. Bills are behind, money is low, losing friends, and worst of all my heart is breaking now. I could be wrong but that’s what it seems like to me, karma. It may not be that at all. I’m just trying to make sense of all the hell in my life and trying to understand why I’m losing people again. It sucks ass and it hurts. Karma is truly a bitch. And for those that have done me wrong or have hurt me ….well they’ll get their dose of karma as well because like I’ve said before I’ve done nothing to nobody except treat them with respect. Even if I don’t get to see their karma, I know they’ll still get there’s.
It’s so hard to stay focused and stay strong and keep fighting to be successful. I want it, I want it bad but life has me bent over and is banging me without lube and it damn hurts let me tell ya lol. I haven’t given up but I am getting weakened down by the day. And what really sucks is I am now really alone. I used to be able to look forward to um…something…but that has pretty much halted. Guess I’m not wanted anymore I don’t know. It really sucks though. Doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t like the rejected feeling but I do overthink shit real bad. I’m a female it’s what most of us do haha.
I have literally wrote down plans and goals of things I want to do and stuff. I’m always thinking about it. I refuse to stop thinking about it to because now I have to focus on myself and try to survive while fighting for my dreams. It ain’t easy. I wanted to give up yesterday real bad no joke. I wanted to sell what I could, quit the jobs, and disappear. But then remembered I won’t have gas money 😂 well damn that blew that all to hell and back! Oh well blahhhhh.
I know this sounds crazy but I want to win the lottery. I’ve been busting my ass since I was 19 and I ain’t getting any younger. I’m tired and I don’t want to nor do I feel like I can keep this game going life keeps throwing at me. Not lazy just fed up and tired. I’ve got a small handful of people that would be took care of too. I don’t care how it sounds it’s true. Crazy but not impossible.
Well yesterday I made the phone call to the animal shelter and surrendered my two boxers. I hated it! It still hurts that they’re no longer mine but I have to look at the big picture. If they got out one more time and done any damage to property or attacked someone else or killed them I’m held responsible and I’ll serve time more than likely. They got really big, too big and got out of control. Too much power for me to handle anymore. At least they told me that their temperaments are good now and they are putting them up for adoption. I’m glad, I hope they get homes where they can run like hell and be happy. It is what it is and I can’t change it. That little boy they attacked is just fine, he still has some bruises but he’s ok. I’m so glad!
I know I’m behind on writing my dirty stuff but I’m barely making it. Only reason I can write this much is because it’s 2:30 in the morning lol. I’m fixing to just go on to the gym, why not?
Even with everything fighting against me I won’t give up, hell I don’t have a choice really. I mean who else is gonna pay my bills and feed me?…No one is but me. I’ll make it I’m stubborn as hell, I get that from my momma.
I just wish I understood why nobody wants me for their own. Can’t help but think about it. It’s all I have to do is sit and think and well overthink! Everyone tells me it’s not me it’s guys that can’t grow up and don’t have respect for me. I think it’s like adults forgot to stop fucking everything when they became adults, still stuck in the teenage mind. That goes for male and female. Immaturity at its best. I ain’t perfect but I don’t sleep with everyone that friends me on facebook and likes my pictures or smiles at me or looks good to me. I ain’t like that and I’ll be faithful to people who are not being faithful to me because I refuse to go to there level of stupidity. I know I’ll end up with someone sometime that’ll be good to me and I also know that one day when those fuckers are tired of playing their games their going to be looking around for me and girls like me and we’ll all be taken and they’ll have to live the rest of the their pathetic lives alone. They’ll be old and no one will want them anymore and they’ll have to jack off everyday cause they done tried to wear out every piece of pussy/dick (goes for women too) in town.
I know it’s long lol. But I can’t shut up 😂. I guess when I was married I never really noticed just how much fucking was going on and now it blows me away lol. Older men wanting these young women. Older women wanting younger men. It’s crazy. If it’s meant to be and their ages are like that, that’s one thing but most are out to just fuck and put another notch in their belt. I’m 41 and I even I am getting hit on by men way older than me, like 20 years older. Nothing wrong with them it’s just I don’t go there. I tend to hang around my own age or younger not older. And the reason for that is I don’t feel my age at all. Sometimes I remember my age and I’m like…No Way LOL! Haha
Ok I’m gonna shut up now I think lol. Have a great day today whenever y’all get up lol.