Didn’t know what to title it lol. Tired of saying gm and gn. Everybody have a good day today? Mine was a little better today, so far anyway. I went to a festival today and had a blast. I love watching people dancing and having a good time and meeting new people and others…😁. Haha. I felt alive, I haven’t felt that in a while. Felt like myself I loved it.
I’m in the tub at the moment because I was building me a gate to put in my house to keep my dog under control lol & I was sweating like a pig outside. And summer ain’t even hit that hard yet. Oh and I didn’t mow either I said fuck it lol. And now it’s raining ugh.
I tried to do a video earlier but every time I tried to speak about certain things I started crying so I deleted it. Didn’t want to bore you with that. I’ll write some of it below lol.
Ok so here’s what I tried to say in video. I enjoy some of the perks of being single but loneliness is really setting in. Real bad. I don’t want to just start dating everyone either. I simply want someone that is worth it. That falls in love with me not just loves at me. Only has eyes for me and me only! Won’t cheat on me if their life depended on it kinda guy an I have to be able to trust fully. With all that said, what I couldn’t say without crying was…why am I not enough??? Is it physical, my boobs or butt not big enough??? Is it my personality??? What is it about me that makes guys cheat on me??? I don’t understand at all. I give my all and do anything and get attached to them just enough to get hurt. That alone makes me afraid of getting close anymore. So I’m in a bad spot….I want it but I don’t want it. If only they knew how much it hurt and how much it makes you feel so stupid they probably would quit doing it. I guess they have to get attached and get cheated on before they’ll understand it huh?
Ok that’s all I’m saying lol for now. It’s just hard to go through my day while feeling like I’m a nothing and not attractive enough to keep eyes on me only. Oh well whatever fuck it huh? That’s what I say about 100 times a day…Fuck It….my favorite phrase. I’m going to get that tattooed on me somewhere lol.
It did feel good to be making stuff with wood again I do admit but it was hot. It’s kinda hard though since I don’t have that many tools lol.
Well I love you people and hope you have a good rest of the day!