April 12, 2017

Good Night 😴

Saying good night and bye to my last day off. Lol. I have to say I’d rather push mow my yard again as opposed to going back to work tomorrow. I’m sure some of you can agree with me on that. 
Funny how all of a sudden I feel different. I can’t explain it really. It kinda just came over me today when I woke up. It may be the things that happen to me and the way people treat me or make me feel I don’t know. It’s like I don’t want to try anymore with people. I’m kinda confused but it’s along the line of I’m no longer trying to make anyone like me or have anything to do with me. I ain’t begging. It’s like I don’t care or something if they do or they don’t. Ok I reread that and it makes no sense to me lol. I’ve been hurt and disrespected so badly by people that I can’t feel. I’ve been numb all day. Everything is out of control and I don’t have a reaction other than a shoulder shrug. I’m a worrier and I’m not worried. All I say is ‘eh fuck it’. I guess I should be worried that I’m not worried LOL. 
The only thing I do think about is a way to make it to where I can leave those jobs. Would you do something desperate? If your desperate enough? Or maybe just sick of being in the same junk of life all the time? I’m serious though, it’s a never ending cycle with bills and working. If you don’t step out and do something out of the ordinary you don’t ever get out of it. You just keep doing it everyday until you pass away. Sounds depressing as fuck to me just saying. I’m going to step out and try something crazy, why not? Lol. 
Confused at what I’m saying? LOL. Don’t feel bad, I’ve been like this all day. I can’t make sense of it myself except that I’m over doing what I’ve been doing for forever. I want more. I can’t nor won’t go back to my old life so I want to go on with a wild and crazy, exciting and adventurous life. Why not? If I could I know a couple of people I’d take with me. I serious y’all! Wait….. Is this how gypsies are born? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ 
No one is in love with me…and regardless of myself and how I feel towards anyone, I refuse to show my heart again just to get it trampled on. So why wouldn’t I jump at any opportunity to be free so to speak from the ‘normal’ life we’ve all been raised up to know and taught to live? I have a lot of time to think so I’ll just think for everyone hahaha! If you just think about it for a minute though, why do we all live the same routine decade after decade? It gets better technology wise but it’s still the same shit. Get me? I bet I’ve lost y’all on this post..siting there with your head cocked to the side with one eyebrow raised up huh? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
I’m going to look into a couple of things tonight and while I’m at work tomorrow and see what I can do to speed things up a bit, financially. Honestly I don’t see me getting out of the rut I’m in and it just got a whole lot worse for me and I’m sitting here like ‘eh fuck it’….again. 
Will y’all miss me? Well I’ll still write but I have no intention on staying in one place, there’s no reason for me to. I’m single and alone and it’s the best time for me to do something like this, just go. I’ll miss my boys, my gf and bf like hell, I love em all four like crazy, I do really. I may not say it to their face all the time but I do. I will visit duh but I won’t be around all the time. I know it sounds crazy but it don’t have to be. I don’t have to live like this either. Right now, like everyone else I’m choosing to live miserably in the same old routine. But hopefully not much longer. 
Ok have you gotten completely confused yet??? Heeheehee😁. I apologize. I know it sounds like I may have done flipped my lid lol. I didn’t I swear, I just went numb to it all. Crazy. I’m still sane I promise, just don’t see a reason to keep going like I do. No one needs me nor wants me nor loves me. I’m talking about a man not my kids so don’t nobody get yer panties in a wad, I know my kids love me without a doubt but mine are grown now. 
Ok well I’m sleepy and I’m gonna lay here and do some research until I fall asleep. Have a good nights sleep and awesome day tomorrow! 
P.S. You might have to reread a couple of times to understand this 😝😜😁
Love ya’s, Lori πŸ’œ
Sadie is out! Lol ( My bedding is in the dryer, I’m not lazy 🀘🏻) 

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